Dirtbikes and Diamonds... the adventures of the Vogel family

1 year!!!

2012-01-05T22:07:00.000-05:00

So I am quite delayed in this post, but it has been quite a month! Mia had her surgery on December 6th. It was an intense surgery and was tough on Mia. They cut her on her right side, spread the ribs to complete a unifocalization of the arteries from her lung. That part was not fun during recovery. Then they went into the heart and did some work in there. Mia was very sick after this surgery, she was on a ventilator for 3 days and it was a tough one for her to go through. 1 week later we were home, and you would never know now that she had a surgery 1 month ago. She still talks about it and asks me why she has to go to the hospital. I tell her that her heart is sick and that Dr. Allada needs to fix it to make it better. Her response is always "it makes me feel scared and sad and I don't like it". Someday she'll understand, but it's hard for a 4 year old to process. Unfortunately she will need a minimum of 4 more open heart procedures, though they are preparing me that it will most likely be more than just 4. She's tough and we will get through it. Someday she will understand that she is alive and it will have all been worth it. One really cool thing that happened when we were at children's was that we got to meet the Pittsburgh Penguins! Mia had no idea who they were, but when they gave her a "Belle" doll, she was their best friend!

On December 19th, we had Mia for 1 year! We went out to dinner that night, for Chinese of course, and celebrated this very special day! It was very interesting because Mia refused to speak Mandarin to the waitresses, though she clearly understood what they were saying. She is completely Americanized, though we will continue to encourage her to embrace her Chinese heritage.

And then came Christmas! What an exciting time for Mia. She could not believe that there was a scary looking man who was so nice to give her presents because she was such a good girl! The boys asked me, and I told them the truth, about Santa, but they were so good about making this so special for their little sister. She got presents Christmas eve, Christmas day, and the day after, so of course on the 27 the first words out of her mouth were "do i get more presents today?" She's a pistol! Then it was Matt's birthday the 29th and it was "Is it my birthday too?" Can you tell she loves presents! But really who doesn't?!?

It was 1 year ago today that Mia had her first heart Catherization. I was extremely jet lagged and Mia was terrified. It was 1 year ago that the Catherization doctor, who we fondly refer to as the "snow bitch" or "ice queen" told me "There is nothing we can do for her. Enjoy the next 8 years with her and try to give her the best life you can". My response, as tears are streaming down my face "I can't do this again... I will not survive loosing another child". Her response "Well I am sorry, but there is nothing we can do." Then our knight in shining armor, Dr. Allada, said "Show her the pictures. We need to do a CT scan to find out for sure." And he has been with us ever since. When I had her in for her follow up, he remembered that we have had her for a year. He is so kind and vested in her care. Our last follow up, he was talking about making plans now for her to live the next 40 or 50 years! Unbelievable.... take that "Ice Queen"!!! And she has never cathed Mia again!

She is strong, brave, resiliant, intelligent, loving, and most importantly our daughter!

11 months (and 9 days)

2011-11-28T08:55:00.000-05:00

So I am a little late posting this update, but better late than never! We are quickly approaching a year with Mia and she is doing so well. She will now spontaneously approach us and hug us and tell us that she loves us or that we are her best friend. She would never decline a hug in the past, but would never intiate it... now she does and it thrills us! As for her health, within the last post I wrote about her heart catherization being scheduled. They could not do anything in the procedure and the blockage is in the muscle so nothing could be done there either. So they wanted her to have surgery as soon as possible. It was scheduled for the 11/22, but Mia came down with a cold, so it has now been postponed until 12/6. It is a pretty intense surgery, with 2 incisions, including both lung and heart work. Her team believes that she is strong enough for this surgery.
Mia also had a few firsts last month, with her brothers helping her learn the ropes the entire time.

Mia was a princess for halloween, and was shocked that people just gave her candy!

Her first thanksgiving.... she enjoyed all of the food as always.

And her first time decorating a Christmas tree. She kept saying it was so beautiful... she is absolutley adorable.

Stay tuned for surgery updates and 1 year with Mia!!!

10 months!

2011-10-21T08:57:00.000-04:00

We have now had Mia for 10 months!! And she is great! Mia L-O-V-E-S pre-school. She gets so excited every day to go. She is making friends and learning so much. The school does a developmental screening on the kids and she failed her language screen (identifying different objects by name... shocking I know! LOL!) and her gross motor screen, which we were also no surprised by. She is a klutz, so they will be bringing PT into school to work with her. I would be a klutz too, if I couldn't run for almost 4 years! The theme with Mia for the last 2 month has been "testing". If I scream and cry in the middle of the mall because I want a dress and not a jacket, what will you do? If I refuse to answer you when you talk to me, what will happen? It doesn't happen all day long and I just try to remain positive, if she didn't trust us or was comfortable in our home, she wouldn't do it, so I guess we all just get those pats on the back for making her feel truly a part of the family. As for her health, not the best news, but we knew it was going to be a long road for her back in January. She was starting to have blue spells late summer. When we went to Children's for our follow up, they could see a blockage in her heart, close to where the shunt was placed. She will go in on Tues 10/25 for a heart cath and we have our finger's crossed that they can balloon it open then. Either way, it looks like she will be having another open heart procedure in the next few months, because they need to move on with repairs to her heart, small and steady steps to repair her heart... complete repair is still unknown. She attended her first wedding and got a "princess dress", her words, for the occasion. She had a blast and loved the entire weekend away! Congrats again to Andrew and Bettina!

Jacob is doing well. 6th grade now and is doing very well this year in school. He is finally taking his homework responsibilities seriously , which makes for more pleasant evenings in the Vogel house! He turned 12 on October 10th, which was celebrated in Philadelphia! He had a nice day and got a Foosball table when we returned home. He plays a lot with his Dad!

If you remember last year for Logan in school was hellatious! This year is wonderful. He was diagnosed in May with Dyslexia and with the correct supports he is doing so well this year in 4th grade. No more tears, no more faking sick... he actually enjoys school for the first time since Kindergarten! Logan has also joined Scouts and he really enjoys the activities through Scouts as well.

Puppy Jack is growing so big, but is a great dog. Completely trained at 4 months and knows basic commands. He is also quite snuggly and spoiled! We are not sure how long he will believe that he is a lap dog, because it won't last much longer!

Matt and I are the same... some work, some play, just trying to survive the kids and all that they bring daily.

I will keep everyone updated with Mia's health.

missed

2011-09-25T08:04:00.000-04:00

Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours

and not expect to get over my child's death,
but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.

Just for today I will remember my child's life,

not just his death,
and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared.

Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends
who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to.
They truly did not know how.

Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little,
my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too,
and perhaps we can help each other.

Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could of done to save my child from death,
I would of done it.

Just for today I will honor my child's memory
by doing something with my other children
because I know that would make him proud.

Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
to another bereaved parent
for I do know how they feel.

Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because
I had the privilege of loving so much

Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am
and have had my child for as long as I did.

Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting him by living on.
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,
my life did go on,
and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.

Happy 8th birthday Killian... you are never far from our thoughts and hearts.

8 months tomorrow!! (seems like she has always been here though)

2011-08-18T20:13:00.000-04:00

Well the month of August has been pretty uneventful for the Vogel family, with the exception of the septic backing up and the water pressure tank spraying water all over the basement! The boys have been enjoying their last days of freedom from school fishing, riding dirt bikes, and swimming. They have also been getting into some trouble and doing some wild things, such as riding a wagon down a steep hill towards the road = 0! The other night they rigged a saucer sled to a bicycle. They worked super hard on it, geared up with helmets and knee pads and rode the sled down the driveway! It was not only creative, but hysterical to watch!

And Miss Mia is doing so well. She is sooooo excited to go to pre-school in a few weeks. She tells us that she is excited to make new friends and will share her toys. Her English continues to progress. We are going to have her evaluated by a speech therapist to make sure that their is nothing that we or they could work on with her. Matt's favorite thing to say to her is "Ni hao" (which means hello in Chinese) Mia cracks up every time and corrects our pronunciation. It is so cute! She is growing like a weed and continues to have a great appetite. She has gotten so big before our eyes and she is simply beautiful. She has adjusted better than we could have ever expected and it is really like she has always been here. As far as her health goes, she continues to do well and plays like a healthy child right now. I take her back to the cardiologist in mid-September, when I anticipate that they will be scheduling her for her next heart Catherization. She loves us and we love her. She talks about going back to China to visit, but does not want to live there. She wants us all to go to China with her... she is so smart!

Mia this spring

Mia yesterday

The last surprise for the month is that on July 20th we got a new puppy! Jack the Saint Bernard! We were planning to wait until Spring for a new puppy, but it was so lonely in the house without a dog around. He is a puppy in many ways, but very laid back. He is also doing really well with potty training! It has been nice to train a dog with the boys home... they actually help to take him out!

I will keep everyone posted with updates about our family... thanks for caring and reading!

7 months with Mia!!!

2011-07-17T12:43:00.001-04:00

Tuesday marks 7 months with our little miss Mia! She has had several firsts over the past month.

She celebrated her first father's day with Matt and the kids made him a "#1 dad" trophy!

She is a fish and loves swimming. She started using water wings this week and loves them. She swims for hours at a time. She also experienced a trip and face plant :( She sacrificed her baby's safety for her face when she tripped! That is the injury under her nose...

Mia also saw her first fireworks and loved them as well. On the 4th we shot fireworks at our house and the only thing she didn't like was the firecrackers. The following weekend we saw professional fireworks and she loved them. She kept saying "beautiful"!! Speaking of her language, she is picking up English so quickly and is really smart! She has counting to 10 down, but she is still struggling with colors. She will be attending pre-school in the fall, so that should help her to further develop her language.

We also had our first photo shoot and we finally got her 4 year old picture done. She's a ham!

Finally I wanted to say sorry about my last doom and gloom post. I know this will sound strange, but I had this overwhelming sense of dread that weekend, and I assumed it was because of Mia's medical condition. It turns out that the following monday, our dog George was diagnosed with cancer. We just put him to sleep this past Monday.... it was really hard on the boys, especially Logan. We miss him.

Stay tuned for more adventures of the Vogels!!

The best possible life....

2011-06-25T19:58:00.000-04:00

When we wound up admitted to Children's Pittsburgh 1 1/2 days and they did her first heart catherization, the Catherization team of doctors came to us and said "there is nothing we can do for her... at this point you just have to give her the best possible life that you can." That moment and that phrase has stuck with me. Is it even possible to cram "the best possible life" into 16 to 26 years? Will she be healthy enough to dance at her prom, experience her first kiss, fall in love, have her own children and care for them like she does for her babies? What exactly is the "best possible life" anyway. Sure it includes love and hugs and kisses, which she gets plenty of, but what else. We all know that material objects make people happy, but really happy? I don't know what would be the best possible thing in her life, mostly because I don't even know if she will be able to experience it before she's 30. Adoption is quite a different experience than having the boys and having carried them for 9 months. We had time to get to know them and love them even before they were born. And when they arrived, it was beautiful. Adoption is beautiful too. As Mia changes and grows we do too, with her. I fall more in love with her every day that passes... we all do. I think too that I have so much time with our boys, to screw up and figure it out, and eventually settle on our relationship when they are adults. But with her I always feel I need to get everything right. Like a screw up on my part is part of her life wasted. So I guess I have come full circle again. How do I ensure that she has the "best possible" in the years that she is with us? I guess it's just love, that's the best we can give her.

Tomorrow marks 6 months with Mia!

2011-06-18T08:53:00.001-04:00

It's hard and easy to believe that Mia has been with us for 6 months now. She has changed so much in the past 6 months. Mia's english is coming around at amazing speed and she communicates in sentences with us now. When it Mia was upset in the past she would shut down and refuse to speak (which was frustrating for all of us), but now she'll tell us what's wrong, and is always quick to tattle on her brothers!

Mia loves to swim and be outside. She likes to draw and color. She is counting to 10 consistently now and knows about 1/2 of her primary colors. The most important thing about Mia is that she is so happy... 99% of the time, and this is no exaggeration. She plays, laughs, runs, and is very snuggly. Every day when she gets dressed she says "I'm a pretty princess!" She definitely is the princess in this house. When she hasn't annoyed them, Jacob and Logan spoil her, play with her, and carry her around. But the one she has completely wrapped around her finger is her daddy! In Matt's eyes Mia can do no wrong, and he admits that he has trouble disciplining her... it's actually really cute. The boys have been out of school for 2 weeks now and this is their daily routine.... ride, swim, ride, swim, etc... They are having a nice summer and I'm glad to have them home. Matt and I continue to work opposite shifts to care for the kids.

Mia and I went to the cardiologist on Thursday for a follow up. Mia is doing well at this time, but her body will need another surgery before the year is up. Her first surgery shunted an artificial tube from her right ventricle to her pulmonary artery. Since her pulmonary artery to the right lung is blocked, it was under high amounts of pressure. Now, all of her vessels could be under that pressure and the ventricle heals. And the question is will it heal, and are the other larger vessels that her body created to compensate growing or scarred, useful or useless. The uncertainty of her medical health is unnerving, and her unknown life expectancy is just as saddening. I find myself at times looking at her and welling up with tears. I know that she has a better life than she did in the orphanage and that Matt and I are working to give her the best life that she can possibly have. I force myself to believe that she will have a long and prosperous life, and will continue to shock and amaze her medical team.

Almost 4 months with Mia!

2011-04-16T09:32:00.000-04:00

Mia continues to do well post-surgery. She had her follow up appointment with her cardiologist, Dr. Yaya, as Mia calls him on Thursday. She continues to amaze everyone with her strength, but he was very clear that we are not done with her medical interventions. This is just the first step and he said she may need another surgery next year. When they went in for the surgery the surgeon found that she has collateral vessels (or vessels that her body created to pick up more oxygen from her lungs) that are larger than her pulmonary artery. So the next step may be to move those arteries to be direct links from her Right Ventricle to her lung, but we shall see. He wanted us to know that she is not out of the woods yet, she has a very complex heart and will require many more surgeries. But for now they are going to leave her alone. The doctor told me he just wants her to play and be a normal kid and we don't see him again until July and at that time we will most likely schedule another heart catherization. This will give her vessels time to grow and they will have a better idea of how her vessels are responding the the surgery she just had. We know that the surgery is successful at this time, because she is so pink and does not loose her breath as easily. The boys are really happy too because she can play with them. When she came home from the hospital Jacob asked me if she was going to live a long time now... he is a very sensitive boy and I think that loosing another sibling would be very difficult for him as well and Matt and I. Both boys were so happy to see that she looked and felt better.

The boys have restarted dirt bike riding and so far only one collision that resulted in Jacob being run over by his brother, but Jacob was OK. They will start racing soon as well. The boys love to be outside, and are typically outside from the time they get home, until it gets dark. Mia also LOVES to be outside. I can do yard work for hours and she is content playing with toys outside or simply exploring the property. We think that she must not have been allowed outside for long periods of time at the orphanage. When we take her outside, she will tantrum when we bring her inside, even if we had been outside for 4 hours or more.

It truly amazes all of us how far she has come in 4 months.
This is the little girl we got at the orphanage...

And this is our girl now...

From this....

To this!

She not only looks different, but her personality is really starting to come out. The orphanage staff reported that she was quiet. She is not quiet... she is actually quite loud. And did I happen to mention that she is quite stubborn! Matt and I are already seeing that we will really have our hands full with her during the teenage years. She will roll her eyes when we tell her something she is not happy with!! She is also a real girly-girl, who loves shoes and dresses. She is intelligent and is picking up the language faster than we ever could have imagined. She loves to look at and have books read to her. Her favorite TV shows are Kai-Lan, Little Bill, Olivia, Wonder Pets, and Dora. We were trying to keep Dora away from her, only because we did not want to confuse her more with different language, but she is obsessed with her and loves the show. Here are some of the things that Mia says to use daily...

"What's dat?"
"Whatcha doin?"
"Beena" or Banana
I love that Mia calls beds "nappy time"
"Can I help you please"- which really means that she wants help
"I want this one" "I NEED this one" - we hear that a lot
"This is mine" or "this is meyaya's"
When we get dressed in the morning and we are all done she says "Mia pretty" and if anyone else gets dressed they become pretty too... daddy, jacob, and logan included
When she plays with her dolls she says to them "It's OK baby.. Mama help you"
Her consistent way of counting right now "1, 2, 3, 6, 4, 7" and then she days "I did it!"
After she completes an activity she says "TADA!!"
"Oh cap" which means oh crap... that is my fault I say that a lot
There is some stiff competition when the boys are in school with Mia and George. If George comes over for pets she will tell him "No George! That's MY mama"
Mia loves to name all the members of her family and "gammie" is always on the list.

We are all very excited to celebrate Mia's first Easter with her. Our family has become quite chaotic, but it is a really fun chaos!

March was a busy month!

2011-04-03T09:46:00.001-04:00

Well the month started off first with a big 4th birthday party for Mia! She had such a great time! Lots of present and a celebration with family was lots of fun for her and us. For the first week after her party, she would come to me daily and say "Happy birthday?" and she still occasionally asks me. So we are pretty sure that she enjoyed herself.

The next weekend we were able to celebrate Matt's cousin's wedding. It was a lot of fun and it was wonderful to see his cousin so happy and in love and he married a wonderful woman. Mia had so much fun being carried all around by her cousin Tess and also spent a great deal of time on Tony, or yeye's, lap. The boys enjoyed playing on the golf greens finding golf balls and tees. Mia did poop out quickly by the end of the night and was quite blue in color. The dress didn't help much, but she did look cute.

Two weeks later was surgery. She had open heart on the 29th of March and was discharged April 1st. The surgeon and her cardioloist told us that this quick of a recovery is amazing and they expected her to be in for at least 14 days... not 4. Since she has been home she has been quite comfortable and her spirits have really lifted. She is still sore, but her pain is managed by alternating tylenol and motrin. How crazy is that? The best part about this whole ordeal is Mia does not get out of breath anymore. She runs around the house and can walk long distances without any problems. And she looks so much better. She is pink. Look at the pics below at the changes....

Finger's before surgery

Fingers after surgery

Mia before surgery

Mia after surgery

We find her pinkness amazing! The next steps are to let her heal for a good 6 months... YEA a summer with no medical procedures... and then a heart catherization to see how she is progressing and if their is more they can do for her. Thank you for everyone who supported us through this surgery.

Birthday, Wedding, and then Surgery

2011-03-05T12:22:00.000-05:00

Well we went to see the cardiologist on Tuesday for her to be checked over from her last Catherization. She has healed very well from this procedure. He then told me that he would be discussing her case with the entire team on Wednesday evening and that he would call Monday to let us know the outcome and the game plan for her heart due to scheduled vacation days. Well we were totally shocked to hear from him that evening. So the game plan for her is to shunt a vessel, made of gortex from her right ventricle to her right lung. Sounds simple right? But in reality it is risky and the phrases "she will be very sick and it could take months for her to recover" The main problem is that the pressure in that chamber is twice what her entire body pressure is, which puts her at risk for atrithmia's and a heart attack. The surgeons are prepared for this and while she will not need to be on a heart-lung machine during the operation, she will most likely need to be on one after the surgery to allow her body to adjust to the pressure. It will also allow her lung to adjust to a normal amount of blood flow. Her right lung has not seen normal blood flow ever, so when blood is pumped in there her body will react in a way to fight that flow. So it is a really risky surgery in a nutshell, but it totally outweighs the reality for us of only having her around for 20 years. Also they are hoping that with normal blood flow to that lung that the pulmonary artery will grow and that they can continue to stent it larger and larger. They have done this before which puts us at ease, but I thought I was going to throw up after I got off the phone and Matt said his chest hurt.

Before this all occurs we have a birthday party coming up for Mia!! I am so excited to have her first and 4th birthday party! And then the next weekend we will have a wedding for Matt's cousin! So she will have some really fun weekends before she has a rough surgery.

Other than that things here have been pretty status quo here...

Jacob's favorite past time to get through the winter months is to play hoops in the kitchen

Logan continues to pass the time with video games and oreos

And Mia continues to crack us up everyday! We especially enjoy when she tells us what's up in Chinese and uses her hands to do it!

Stay tuned for an update about Mia's 4th birthday!!!!

Mia's latest heart news

2011-02-19T17:49:00.000-05:00

Ok... this post will lead to some troubling news so I thought I would start with that we have had Mia for 2 months today!!! Needless to say we are so excited to have her in our lives. She is a joy and so much fun! She is picking up english so quickly... it is truly amazing. She enjoyed her first superbowl party and had a fun time staying up late! She is very resilient and loving and I must say that if you asked her she would agree that she loves to be a part of our family too!

And now onto the heart news. Mia was scheduled for another catherization to get more information in the right lung. They could not previously get into this lung before because they could not access the artery. At that time they thought that maybe their were no viable arteries there, but a CT scan showed that she did have arteries and vessels to the right lung. So they scheduled her for this cath, using the CT scan as a road map, so they could measure the pressures and make sure she does not have pulmonary hypertension. So the results of yesterdays test was that her left lung is screwed and will always be screwed. She has pulmonary hypertension throughout the lung, and lungs cannot be repaired. This news was not completely shocking to us, we kind of already knew that. The right lung is a little better. With a decent sized artery on that side with vessels that her body has developed to assist her in getting more oxygen. So let me post a picture of what pulmonary atresia looks like, and then I can explain further.

When you look at the pictures the pulmonary artery on a normal heart is large, but her's is more like a vein. She also has the 2 holes in her heart. The hole between the atria's is life sustaining for Mia and without it her blood can't mix in any oxygenated blood. The hole between the ventricles is not necessary... it's not hurting her or helping her either. The RV is also a non-working chamber for Mia... it is very thick and under high pressure, because of the tiny pulmonary artery it pumps against itself. So to recap... she is living on one good lung and 3 chambers. So the next step is that they will present her case to the surgeons and see what they suggest. Right now our goal for Mia is to improve her breathing a quality of life. This will most likely mean shunting vessels from her body from her good lung to her heart, but it depends on what the surgeon says. We are also putting her on baby aspirin to thin her blood. When you have poor oxygen levels your body produces more red blood cells to try to get as much oxygen as it can, so Mia's blood is very thick. Thinning her blood can only help to get more blood flowing more easily through her body. In the long term, as I said before, she will need a heart/lung transplant. As she grows, it will become more difficult for her. We will wait to see what our favorite doctor, Dr. Allada, says is our next step. Thanks for everyone's support.

1 month already!!!

2011-01-28T13:20:00.011-05:00

OK, so this is only 1 week late, but Mia has been in our life for one month already!!! It is really hard to imagine life without her now.

There is so much to report. Mia is doing very well with her adjustment and amazes me everyday. She is an awesome sleeper and actually naps for an hour and a half every day!! The boys gave up naps by the time they were 2! She is a very happy child, who loves to snuggle and play with her brothers. She gets so excited when they get home from school. And speaking of the boys they are awesome with her and a really enjoying having a little sister. They are a great help to her and will play with her during the day. Three children in the home, definitely make it a circus act here! Mia is also amazing us with her language development. By the end of my second week in China I was completely annoyed with the language barrier and could not wait to get home and speak English! Mia, on the other hand, is rarely frustrated by the language barrier. She really wants to learn and repeats everything we say!

And speaking of English, here are the words that little miss Mia has picked up already and says consistently throughout the day.

Mama- she says this about 100 times per day!

Daddy- she says a lot as well

Yogan - aka Logan

Jaca - aka Jacob

milk

wata - water

bebe - baby

bye bye

tot - hot

baayea- potty

puppy/ dog (or "go!".... mia is not an animal lover)

cat (same as above)

color

there ya go - when she gives you something

come here

come on

cheerios/ chips/ noodles

bear

i love you

this one

huh?- when you call her name or she doesn't understand you

I am sure there are more that I have forgotten, but it just gives a sense of how quickly she is picking up english!

She loves to dance and music. She is not a huge fan of TV, but the shows that grab her attention most are Little Bill (that coincidentally have the same episodes on that I watched 11 years ago with Jacob), Olivia, and the Fresh beat band.

We saw the cardiologist last week and she has another heart catherization scheduled for February 18th. They think that there are some better veins to the lung that they could not get into on the initial cath. During this cath they will use the CT scan that she had as a road map to her vessels and be measuring pressures, etc. If they can do something to get her better oxygen, they will do it within the cath procedure. We are just hoping that some of those vessels are just blocked and not scarred. It they are not scarred than their may be some surgical interventions that they can do, we just won't know until we have the test done. Fingers and toes crossed!

We just love and adore this little girl. She is truly a joy... funny, loving, and sweet. We know that her abandonment must have been a difficult decision for her birth parents, being that they had her for the first 6 months of her life. I could not imagine making this decision and feel that they made the choice to better her life. I have no idea who her birth parents are, but I just wish that they somehow know that she is happy and loved.

Our trip to China... in a nutshell. And what has happened since we have been home

2011-01-09T20:27:00.023-05:00

Sorry this has taken me so long to post. I had no idea that blogging, along with facebook and youtube is blocked in China. I backtrack through the trip now.

We left on Thursday evening (12/16) in a rental car for Cleveland. We slept a grand total of 3 hours and then boarded a plane to Chicago. After a 2 hour layover in Chicago we flew to Shanghai China.... approximately 14 hours by plane. We had a 5 hour layover in Shanghai and some trouble with our tickets, but we got our tickets and were ready to travel to Xi'an China... then home of our daughter Mia. With layovers and flying time it took a total of 30 hours to get to China! We arrived at our hotel at midnight and crashed.

Sunday (12/19)

Suzanne, my sister-in-law woke us up at 9:45 to catch brunch in the hotel. After some breakfast we decided to do some sightseeing before we got Mia. We went to the Goose Pagoda that day. It was very pretty with lots of beautiful Buddha’s and buildings. We had to find a taxi back and seemed to find the one who was having a bad day. He was extremely aggressive in his driving. The interesting thing about driving in China is that there are really no rules… figure out a way to get there and everything is fine. The taxi’s will push pedestrians out of the way and you are really taking your life into your own hands. Matt really enjoys the taxi rides and would love to drive this way back home... LOL!! At 3:45 we met our guide in the hotel and she took us to meet Mia. Mia was completely freaked out, but there were no tears when we in the room with her caregiver. Then we got into the van to travel to get her passport pictures taken and she LOST it. Crying…. Actually sobbing for the car ride and while in that building. I felt so bad for her… she was very confused. We got her back to the hotel and started giving her snacks. She allowed us to take of her coat, but not her snow pants or her shoes. She ate and ate and ate that night, for what was 4 hours straight. We actually had to cut her off for fear she might vomit. We decided to put her down for the night and she allowed me to take off her snow pants, but would not change her clothes or take off her shoes. She slept very well. At some point during the night she took off her shoes.

Monday 12/20
Mia woke up and was pleasant. She allowed me to change her clothes. We also gave her a bath, which she stood for and would not play with any toys. She did not cry during the bath though. Breakfast was the same…. she ate and ate and ate some more. We had to go to the notary office and apply for her passport this day as well. Our guide met us and Matt and I just went to complete these steps. What we noticed by this time is that every room, building, etc is really hot. When we asked our guide about this she told us that the gov’t controls the heat and then everyone pays the bill to the gov’t monthly! They must turn in up so high to reduce the number of complaints. Mia was doing well with her potty skills. It's wonderful to have a potty trained child!

Tuesday 12/21
This day was a free day with no obligation for the adoption. We went outside the hotel complex into the city and went to a large shopping area. The one thing I can say about China is that it is filthy. The smog is disgusting and some people wear masks. We also did some sightseeing. We decided to go the the bell tower and the drum tower at 3:30. So by the time we were done it was dark and we were having a hell of a time trying to find a cab. There are also a lot of steps in China that I would have to carry Mia up. With her heart condition she cannot walk far without exhausting herself. She additionally will not allow anyone else to carry her but me at this time. She was starting to become more comfortable with us and was very attached to me.

Wednesday 12/22
Today was the orphanage visit and was very overwhelming. We were dropping off the donations and were allowed to see where Mia used to live. We dropped off the donations in her old play room. Her friends were yelling her name and were very happy to see her. When Tony and Zan were unloading, Matt and I were playing with the kids there… many of whom were severely disabled and it was very overwhelming. Mia was OK playing with her friends for some time. Then we went to see her room. At that point she became very overwhelmed and was crying. I picked her up and we quickly left. JoJo, our Chinese guide and translator, reassured her in Chines that she was leaving with us and asked her if she would like to return to the van. Without hesitation she nodded her head yes. She was fine once we left the orphanage, but that night was somewhat of a challenge and became very stubborn about bedtime. She refused to lay down n her crib for about a half hour, but eventually did.

Thursday 12/23
Terra cotta warrior day. It was very cool to see them! They are very amazing and it is amazing how they unearth them. Mia was testing her limits that day and was behaving like a typical 3 year old. Mia can be very stubborn and wants what she wants when she wants it. The Terra cotta warriors were really amazing to see.

Friday 12/24
Christmas eve! Hung in the hotel until checkout at 12. During the time we were hanging out, at one point Mia became upset and then inconsolable. She was sobbing like the first night we got her. We think that she thought that our first hotel was our home and then we were moving her again. She was very upset. Also our guide JoJo took us to the airport and Mia connected her with the orphanage and would become very upset when she saw JoJo. We believe that Mia thought she was returning to the orphanage and was also confused about the move. Flight to Guangzhou at 7:30 pm. Mia did fine with the flight that day, but hates the seatbelt. She is bright so she was able to figure out how to take it off and I had to hold it closed during take off and landing. Other than that she did fine. Until we got to the hotel and sobbing again... this was the toughest move for her.

Saturday 12/25
Christmas!!! Mia had her medical exam today and her TB test done. Mia passed her medical exam and did well with the TB needle. Then we spent time in the playroom going over paperwork. In the afternoon we hung out, watched TV and went out to dinner. It was decided this day that Matt would return home early after talking to his mom.

Sunday 12/26
Talked to the boys and wished them a merry Christmas! They were having a good time and they were very excited that Matt was returning home! Logan is having a harder time without me, so I felt relieved that they will be home with their dad soon! We walked over to a traditional Chinese market today, which was really cool and then took a bus to a tomb. EXTREMELY boring exhibit to visit. Afterward we got together with another family for Thai food, which was a lot of fun.

Monday 12/27
Wake up at 6, eat breakfast and put Matt in a 7am cab to the airport. Zan and I go to Starbucks and then I take Mia to the playroom to meet the rest of the group to have the tb results read. Mia was negative as were all the rest in our group. Went to lunch, Mia had a nap, and then out to a bookstore in a large shopping area. It was crazy and we were the ONLY american’s there. Ate dinner and came back to the hotel. The cab situation is much easier in this city. It is also cleaner here and really warm... about 70 degrees. Mia is a doll and was doing much better everyday!

Tuesday 12/28

I took Mia in the morning to have her TB test read and it was negative!! We met a new family from Boston that day and they were a riot. We had a wonderful time with them and spent the evening drinking wine while the kids slept. Let me tell you I needed it. I could not wait to go home by this point.

Wednesday 12/29

Happy Birthday to Matt. Matt was now home and we were doing more video chat with the boys. Tony, my nephew was sick in the room with a sinus infection, so Zan and I went to a park to see the 5 goats, the symbol of Guangzhou. The park was beautiful and it was nice to walk around outside. Mia enjoyed it too! At this point I have noticed that I have been getting more and more dirty looks from the Chinese people about my adopting Mia. They look at her and then look at me and then glare. I looked up on google translate "you didn't want to take care of her, so mind your business", but it was too hard to remember... LOL!

Thursday 12/30

Consulate day. On this day I pledged to never abuse or abandon Mia and to love her as if she were one of my own. We also received her Visa to return with us to the USA! That evening we just ate in the hotel and spent the day watching TV.

Friday 12/31

Pack and fly to Beijing. Mia did much better with this transition and was quite bonded to me at this point. She was also able to comply with the seatbelt!

Saturday 1/1

Zan and Tony went to the great wall and Mia and I hung in the hotel. It sounded beautiful... but they said it was freezing cold.

Sunday 1/2

This day was packing to go home and we went to visit the forbidden city. It was pretty cool to see, though Mia had a rough time about halfway through. With her heart condition it is very difficult for her to regulate heat and she was very cold. We finished quickly and got her back to the hotel. Off to the airport at 2:oo and in the airport we had some trouble with Mia's passport and they were not going to allow her to pass through Canada on layover. After some talking and my sister in laws quick thoughts to call the Canadian consulate... we got her on the plane... phew! The plane back was 12 hours.. we got the tailwind! Mia did great on the plane... she ate, she played, and she slept. We got through Canada and then boarded a prop plane to Pittsburgh form Toronto. It was something out of Indiana Jones!!! But we made it and I was never so happy to be back in the USA!! There were many well wishers at the airport that evening.... but my favorite were the boys. I missed them so much and it was wonderful to see them. We got home from the airport around 12 midnight and we all went to sleep. Mia slept well that night, but was up very early.

Monday 1/3

The boys woke up shortly after Mia and wanted to see her and play with her. She was not herself. Her personality was completely different and I just assumed that she was having some rouble transitioning to the house. The boys went into school late that day and shortly after they left she threw up. I put her in my bed and she slept for hours. She refused to eat, very unlike her, she literally eats anything that isn't nailed down and went to bed at 6:30. She slept poorly that night up every 2-3 hours crying. Again I thought it was transition.

Tuesday 1/4

She woke up hungry and ate a bunch of food... and then threw it all back up. We had a previously scheduled appt with the pediatrician to get her physical and immunizations completed. When we arrived I let them know about her vomiting, and due to her heart condition they sent us directly to Children's hospital Pittsburgh. When we arrived through the ER they did a sonogram of her heart and also determined that she was severely dehydrated from the flight home. Due to the dehydration and the results of her sonogram we were admitted to the Cardiac ICU. They ran fluids for the night and into the next day and she was getting better. Our pediatric cardiologist on Tuesday evening gave us a poor prognosis as he could not hear a good murmur and was not sure about her blood flow in her heart. Also because of the dehydration, they could not get a good look at her heart and lungs. The doctors scheduled her at this time for a Cardiac Catherization for Wednesday afternoon.

Wednesday 1/5

Mia was slowly becoming more of herself. She was playing and was such a good little patient. We spent a lot of time snuggling in the hospital bed. Her cardiologist was pleased when he listened to her and could hear a better murmur which made him more hopeful, though he told us we would have to wait for the results of the Cath to know what was going on for sure. After the Cath, they told us the bad news and showed us the pictures of her lungs. Mia not only has tetraloogy of fallot... she also has pulminary atresia. The prognosis is not the greatest. Pulmonary atresia is a malformation of the pulmonary valve in which the valve orifice fails to develop. The valve is completely closed thereby obstructing the outflow of blood from the heart to the lungs. This is why she is bluish most of the time and this cannot be repaired. She also has 2 holes in her heart between the Atrium and Ventricle... which we knew from her report. We thought that these could be repaired, but if we repair them she will die. She also only has 3 working chambers. This night the prognosis was really bad, but they wanted to run some more testing to see the arteries in her lungs and what we could work with. We cried and slept very limited this evening... jet lag was also a problem.

Thursday 1/6

Mia was taken off IV fluids and was allowed to eat this morning... which made her VERY happy. We did her lung profusion test this evening and learned that her left lung is stronger than her right and profuses oxygen at 60% compared to her right lung at 40%. News that we can work with, but we are not sure about the arteries yet. Jet lag caught up to both of us this evening and we slept from 6:30 to 4:00 the next morning. I felt much better to be back on our time.

Friday 1/7

Mia had her CT scan at 7:30 am this day. They gave her some sedation this day. We were also scheduled to go home this day and I could not wait. When we saw the cardiologist he gave us, what he called a "ray of hope". She has some nice arteries that they can see in the CT scan to her lungs. The hope is to shunt vessels from her legs to allow more oxygen rich blood to her lungs. He needs to put all 3 reports together to let us know the next plan. We will never be able to repair her heart... only do small surgical interventions to improve her quality of life. She has a life expectancy at this time of 25 to 30 years.. We are all hoping that medical science will improve in this time so that she can have a heart lung transplant as a young adult. At this time the anti rejection drugs only last about 5 years with a transplant so that is not an option for her. We will see him again on Jan 20th. He let us go home and she is on oxygen, when she sleeps and supplimentally through the day as she needs it. She is such a sweetie and doesn't fight it at all.

This weekend we played and played and played some more. She has adjusted to the house beautifully. She was initially terrified of George, the dog, but is now more tolerant of him. She absolutely ADORES her brothers. She finds them hilarious and follows them all over the house. She is also picking up English very quickly. She is very bright. She is also very loving and is sleeping through the night now, with an hour nap in the afternoon. She is so sweet and we love her very much.

Thanks for reading... more to come of the adventures of Mia!

Sooo We are going to China on... SUNDAY!!!

2010-12-13T20:25:00.002-05:00

We leave for China this Sunday and we will come home on Jan 31st. We have been running around today like nuts, but we will pull it all together in the next 4 days! Check back daily during our trip! We plan to update the blog daily provided we have internet access!

Heart ache

2010-12-11T07:23:00.004-05:00

7 years ago my life and that of my families changed forever. We are not the same people that we used to be... none of us. We loved him so much. It's actualy becoming hard to imagine what he would be like now. He is always an infant to me, that's the way I remember him and probably always will. I have done my share of crying yeserday and right now and have not been sleeping welll the last 2 nights. I will get through this anniversary as I always do. Sometimes I greedily think I should never have to, but this is my life. My heart with a huge hole... it's shrinking, but it is always there.

Tiny Angels rest your wings.

Sit with me for awhile.

How I long to hold your hand,

And see your tender smile.

Tiny Angel, look at me,

I want this image clear....

That I will forget your precious face

Is my biggest fear.

Tiny Angel can you tell me,

Why you have gone away?

You weren't here for very long....

Why is it, you couldn't stay?

Tiny Angel shook his head,

"These things I do not know....

But I do know that you love me,

And that I love you so".

Travel Announcement is on it's way!!!

2010-12-04T07:16:00.001-05:00

Our TA is on the director's desk as of yesterday!!! We should know that dates that we will travel by Monday or Tuesday! WOOOHOOOO!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T20:39:00.003-05:00

Happy thanksgiving everyone. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Christmas, but it is more for the kids and I love watching them get so excited. Thanksgiving is not only a time to reflect on what we are thankful for, but has an extra special meaning to me. It was the only holiday that we were able to celebrate with Killian and for that reason I believe that Thanksgiving will always be my favorite holiday. We all have things to be thankful for, even the challenges that we face. Life is short and unpredictable, and we all need to remember to be thankful for the beauty and love in our lives.

And not to forget the little girl waiting for us in China... below is the word thankful in Chinese.

Happy halloween!

2010-11-01T08:39:00.006-04:00

Another holiday without Mia was pretty disappointing for all of us... but we still managed to have a lot of fun!

We carved pumpkins....

And went trick or treating 2 times! Matt had a balst at his sister's house, scaring the teenagers... it was quite a production they were putting on! Chainsaw and all! Jacob told me that next year he wants to put the "fro" on Mia! The torment of the younger sister is starting already and she isn't even here yet!

We still have no travel dates.... very disappointing. :( We were hoping to have her at the end of the month. We'll just have to wait for notification from China... i just wish they would hurry up!

Jacob is 11! Where does the time go?!?

2010-10-16T07:57:00.016-04:00

Well last weekend was quite a birthday bash for Jacob (and exhausting for his parents). Matt joked the entire weekend that it's a birthDAY not a birthWEEKEND, but he is good humored about my partying! The boys had a long weekend for Columbus day so we had 4 friends sleep over on Thursday night. They were all well behaved, got along well, but oh my the house took a toll that night! There was alot of eating junk food, candy, trampoline jumping and of course nerf gun wars!

On Saturday, we had a cookout with family and later a bonfire. Jacob was collecting money to buy himself a DSi, and whaddya know a little birdy told his Aunt Zan and Uncle Jimmy he was saving for one and they got it for him! He was so surprised and happy!

Sunday was his actual birthday, so we gave him our gifts in the morning. Jacob really wanted a bb gun and some wii games! He gave his thank you hugs all around for the gifts! He spent very little of the money he collected for the DSi, just some more video games and drawing supplies.

Overall it was a successful birthday weekend.... happy 11th Jacob!

Happy 7th

2010-09-26T08:25:00.004-04:00

"I have realized that we never 'have' children, we receive them. And sometimes it's not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is sill better than never having those children at all"- Jodi Picoult

Happy 7th baby

Update on Mia!!!!

2010-08-27T09:47:00.003-04:00

We just got an update on Mia with pictures! She is 2 feet 10 inches tall and weighs 24.2 pounds! For the docs in the family who are reading this her head is 47cm.; chest 51 cm; 20 teeth; and her foot is 14cm. She has cynosis and cannot do vigorous activities. Her language development is fine.

She has lost some weight, which is concerning, but not suprising with her heart condition and with her being institutionalized. We think that she is beautiful and cannot wait to get her home!

Summer catch up

2010-08-20T19:52:00.009-04:00

Well first I will post about our adoption process with Mia. We have recieved our LOA for her, which for those of you not in the adoption prcocess is a letter that states that China acceepts us adopting her and we sign stating that we want to continue. Next stop... travel dates!!! We are dying to get her and to know when we will be traveling, so keep your fingers crossed for us!

This summer has been busy. The boys were totally bummed that we did not go to the beach this year, but we were not comfortable setting up a vacation, when we were hoping to be in China!!! Anyway, we got them a pool for the back yard. They love it and it paid itself off after the first week we had it. They swim everyday. I enjoy that they enjoy it too, but keeping the water clear has been a challenge for me. We filled it from the outside tap, which is well water, and it has been a battle all summer. Most of the time it's cloudy and then occastionally will turn brown, green, or yellow! I am the daughter of a chemical engineer, but that gene did not come down the pike to me.

We also went to Kennywood and Idlewild amusement parks. The boys had a wonderful time on both of those trips!

Motocross racing is always a constant for the boys. The boys did well this summer. Competiton is always stiff at these events, but they love doing it and really enjoy the sport.

Our next post will hopefull be the post that we have the dates that we will be going to china and will have our beautiful daughter Mia in our arms!

Catching up

2010-06-05T20:42:00.007-04:00

Well, things have been pretty busy around here at the Vogel house. First I will update everyone about Mia. Our paperwork has Hillary Clinton's official stamp of approval on it and we will be getting it back on Monday and then it goes to CHINA!!!! We are so excited and hope that they process everything and invite us to come get her soon! We cannot wait to bring her home!

May is always a busy month at our house... Logan turned 8! I really can't believe it... it seems like just yesterday that I was bringing him home from the hospital. I'm sure it's a moment you never forget and when he turns 18 I will probably think the same thing. All that Logan wanted for his birthday was a hippity hop and a hamster or guinea pig. We strung him along for several weeks, telling him that I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to get him one. So we had his guinea pig ready when he came home from school on Friday and he was so excited!

Then it was a party with some of his friends at the house. A slip n slide, pinata, and water balloon toss went over well with all of the boys! Logan had a wonderful time with Jacob, his friends, and his cousin Nick!

The boys have only been able to race one motocross race because it rains every weekend! They have been disappointed, but I'm sure we will have several races in a row because of all the cancellations and we will keep everyone updated on their progress. During the first race they both placed 3rd, so they were happy about that! We are also proud of Jacob because he received the citizenship award, an award only given to one 4th grader! So proud of him. I'm sure the summer will bring more adventures for us and we will keep everyone posted on our journey to Mia.

Questions....

2010-05-08T07:58:00.003-04:00

It started this past Tuesday at dinner. I thought I would be ready and I am in a way, I just never know how much is too much. I just am honest and roll with it I guess. At dinner Jacob mentioned that a girl in his class had to have a surgery on her arm. Logan asked "What's surgery?" So I tell him that it is when there is something wrong on the inside of your body and the doctors have to cut you open to fix it. Jacob then asks "Won't Mia have to have a surgery to fix her heart?" I explain to both of them that she will have to get her heart fixed with a surgery, but that she will be all fixed when it is over. Logan then says, with wet eyes "But that will hurt her won't it? I feel bad for her, I don't want her to be hurt". So I tell him that it will hurt at first, but that it will not hurt forever and that she will be good as new. Both boys seemed satisfied at this point, for now... part one over.

Round 2 bedtime. Logan tells me that he is afraid that she will die, like his brother Killian. So I try to be as honest as I can and let him know that I can't promise she will be OK, but I'm pretty sure she'll be OK.
At this point it is both boys talking...

"How did Killian die"---- "He died of SIDS which means his brain told his body to stop breathing, but this only happens to little babies. You and Jacob are fine and since Mia is 3 this should not happen to her either. No one really know why it happens"

"What was he like" --- "He loved you both"

"How did you know" --- "He smiled at you both all the time. (to Logan) you liked to play with his feet, and (to Jacob) you loved to hold him and feed him a bottle"

Jacob says "I remember that" Logan says "I don't remember him at all"

I tell Logan that he wouldn't because he was only 18 months old.

Jacob says "I remember the police officers and ambulance people in the house and that you used to cry every day" So of course I start to cry again and tell him that I miss Killian all the time, but I have just learned to live with the sadness in my heart.

Then Jacob says "If you had me, Logan, and Killian would we still be adopting Mia?"
He is so intuitive it kills me. So I tell him my truthful thoughts, which are I don't know. Our family and our life is different now. If Killian was here, who knows what our life would be like. I tell them that I would give anything to have him back, but that it just wasn't meant to be. I tell them that we are so proud of them, that they are willing to share us with a little sister and love her with us.

I am so proud of my boys and thankful that they feel comfortable in asking me questions. It still always throws me off guard though.

Moving through paper...

2010-04-07T07:24:00.009-04:00

We have been very busy here trying to get all of our paperwork completed so that we can go get our girl! I just wish that everyone else (like the gov't and state departments) would feel the same sense of urgency that we do! I looked up her chinese translation this morning and her name means "peaceful cloud". From her description in the paperwork from China, she is a peacemaker, so I think the name fits!

Around here we have been pretty busy. Spring (it actually feels more like summer) has arrived and so have the sounds of motocross around the house. The boys will have their first race in a few weeks and are very excited! They have been riding any day that they can on the track around the house.

During the month of March, I decided to paint the house! I painted the upstairs hall, living room, dining room, kitchen, and family room. It looks great and I just have to finish the downstairs hallway.... Matt thinks I am nesting and I probably have to agree with him! We took the boys to the driving range to try out their new clubs they got for Christmas. They had alot of fun! We also went bowling for big brothers/big sisters and we had a good time with Chris, Lori, and Nick!

Easter was fun. The boys got new motocross racing outfits, which they were excited about. They also went hunting around the house for their eggs, which they always enjoy. Then it was a relaxing afternoon at Matt's sisters house and a wonderful meal! This weekend is a surprise birthday party for Matt's mom and my parents come in for Nick's first communion. The month of April is turning out to be a busy one!

I'll keep posting as things move with the adoption!

Our girl's heart

2010-02-21T06:18:00.002-05:00

We have been asked a lot of questions so I thought I would explain (copy and paste from a medical site) our baby girl's heart condition. We are not exactly sure what she has. The sonogram of her heart does not make complete sense, but we believe that she has a condition called Tetralogy of Fallot. We do not have a concrete diagnosis because the test used and results are poorly written. Our social worker explained that where she is located in China, the medical technology is poor, and they will not spend the money on a "orphan" to get further testing completed in a major city, such as Beijing. We will complete further tests at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh as soon as we get her home. So here is her condition...

Tetralogy of Fallot involves four heart defects:
A large ventricular septal defect (VSD)
Pulmonary (PULL-mon-ary) stenosis
Right ventricular hypertrophy (hi-PER-tro-fe)
An overriding aorta

Ventricular Septal Defect
The heart has a wall that separates the two chambers on its left side from the two chambers on its right side. This wall is called a septum. The septum prevents blood from mixing between the two sides of the heart. A VSD is a hole in the part of the septum that separates the ventricles, the lower chambers of the heart. The hole allows oxygen-rich blood from the left ventricle to mix with oxygen-poor blood from the right ventricle.

Pulmonary Stenosis
This defect is a narrowing of the pulmonary valve and the passage through which blood flows from the right ventricle to the pulmonary artery.
Normally, oxygen-poor blood from the right ventricle flows through the pulmonary valve, into the pulmonary artery, and out to the lungs to pick up oxygen. In pulmonary stenosis, the heart has to work harder than normal to pump blood, and not enough blood reaches the lungs.

Right Ventricular Hypertrophy
This defect occurs if the right ventricle thickens because the heart has to pump harder than it should to move blood through the narrowed pulmonary valve.

Overriding Aorta
This is a defect in the aorta, the main artery that carries oxygen-rich blood to the body. In a healthy heart, the aorta is attached to the left ventricle. This allows only oxygen-rich blood to flow to the body.
In tetralogy of Fallot, the aorta is between the left and right ventricles, directly over the VSD. As a result, oxygen-poor blood from the right ventricle flows directly into the aorta instead of into the pulmonary artery to the lungs.

Outlook
Together, these four defects mean that not enough blood is able to reach the lungs to get oxygen, and oxygen-poor blood flows out to the body. This needs open heart surgery to be repaired.

This is scary stuff for us, but with repair the outlook is good. She will never be a track star, but that's OK with us. We have been asked several times why we are adopting a little girl with a bum heart. (that's how I like to describe it) The answer is simple, we felt a connection with her, and she will die in China as a young adult if this is not repaired. As many of you know, Matt was adopted when he was 3 1/2 and he did not have a medical condition that threatened his life, but the environmental situations that he was involved in through the foster care system, he would have chosen a different, most likely more delinquent, path in life. Matt felt VERY strongly that we bring her into our family. I guess you can say he is "paying it forward" So no, she is not perfect, but who is? We feel that a lovely little girl who will enrich our lives as much as we will enrich hers, and we can't wait to bring her home!

Our Duaghter An Banyun.... Mia is here!!!

2010-02-12T08:03:00.011-05:00

Ok So I know that everyone is dying to see her so I'll post her pictures first. Keep in mind that we have to put a smile on her face and that they shave all the babies heads to keep the lice away. Also she looks much bigger than she actually is because they have several layers of clothing on her. The do not keep the heat very high in the orphanages, so it is common for the children to wear 4-5 layers of clothing. She is actually only 22 pounds and 2 feet 8 inches tall, that means she will wear 12-18 month clothes. She is a quite a little peanut! We just think that she is precious and can't wait to get her home! (The middle photo is my favorite!)

So here is what we know about her. Banyun (mia) was found abandoned at the orphanage gate on September 25, 2007. They determined her birthday to be March 10, 2007 according to her growth and development. She was abandoned at approximately 6 months old. There was no note attached to her. We can only assume that her birth family could not care for her or was unable to provide her with the medical treatment that she needs. I'm sure it was a difficult decision for her birth parents to make.

Banyun (mia) likes to eat steamed eggs, milk, noodles, congee, and fruit. She likes rocking horses, tricycles, looking at books, being read to, and playing with dolls. When she plays outside she likes to slide and swing. She likes to play hide and seek and likes to be cuddled :) She plays peacefully with other children, does not grab their toys, and shares her cookies. She is a deep sleeper (woohoo!), she can imitate drawing Ines, she can place objects in and out of cups, she can stack blocks, she can turn pages of a book, she knows big and small and her colors. She speaks in sentences (in Mandarin Chinese though), and she knows her body parts.

Her personality is described as timid and shy (the boys will quickly change that I'm sure!) She enjoys music and toys. She likes to play peekaboo and hide and seek. She is talkative, has a ready smile (wish we could see it), and gets along well with others. She has a close bond with her caretaker.

Mia (Banyun) is in Children's Welfare Institute of Xi'an China.

Xi'an has cold and snowy winters and hot and humid summers. It is most famous for it's Terracotta Warriors that we carved during the first Qin Dynasty to deter invasion of the countryside. That will be really cool to see.

We are hoping to travel to China in May or June to get her. We will spend 2 weeks in China with her, so that will be an awesome adventure! It is difficult to determine what is exactly wrong with her heart. The ultrasound report does not really make sense, but it is apparent that it is one of 2 major defects. When we get her home we will have her heart examined and are prepared to have the surgery completed as soon as possible. I will be sending her a care package to the orphanage for her birthday.

We have sent a letter to China asking to adopt her and promising to love her as if she was one of our own. They have 2 weeks to agree to our adoption, they never disagree, it's just a formality. Next is updating all of our paperwork.... all over again! We will move as quickly as we can on this because the sooner the paperwork is done, the sooner we can go get her!!

Thanks for everyone's support and well wishes! We will keep everyone updates as this process moves along.

Christmas 2009!

2009-12-28T20:10:00.012-05:00

So we managed to survive Christmas and all the fun that goes with it. We had a wonderful time with family, received some wonderful gifts, and enjoyed the holidays though we missed sharing them with Matt's mom when she was in NY. The boys has a great Christmas and received many surprises this year. There were many questions about Santa this year and this may be the last year... I'm not sure. I think Jacob knows, but just does not want to give it up yet. Besides how sad will that be. This year I pulled out all the stops.... footprints in the snow, reindeer food, and an email from Santa. We'll just have to see what happens next year....

Anyway, enjoy some Christmas photos....

Here's to a happy and healthy new year!

The day that changed my life forever

2009-12-09T19:37:00.004-05:00

It will be 6 years ago on Friday that Killian died and the day that our lives changed forever. We still miss him, look at his pictures and smile, and talk about him. He is a living part of our family, even though he is not with us. Jacob found my journal in my bedroom the other day. Interesting he found it around this time, I did not journal for very long, just right after his death until his 1st birthday. Anyway, I'll share the story of this very sad day.

It was a normal day for us. I dropped and picked up Jacob from preschool and Matt was off work and caring for the boys that day. After lunch I headed out to work. At 7:00pm I was leaving my last appointment and the woman knitted a blanket for the baby. As I was leaving the house she asked "How is the baby?" "Perfect and wonderful" I answered "he doubled his weight and sleeps through the night, he's a great baby" As I was driving home, I called the house (like I always do) to let Matt know I was on my way home. The line was busy and I thought that was weird and continued to drive home. I kept dialing and it was still busy, now I was worried. A few minutes passed and the phone rang. It was Matt "we have a problem" he said. My thought was immediately to Killian, but I never thought he was dead. "Killian stopped breathing" I start screaming... "I did CPR, the ambulance just took him to Jameson Hospital" "I'll meet you there" and hung up the phone. I do not remember driving to the hospital at all. I turned into the hospital, passed the ER parking lot and parked in the wrong lot. I ran through the parking lot, but wound up by the gift shop in the hospital, I ran around like a nut and finally found the ER. I spotted a security guard and ran up to him, scared with tears streaming down my face. "My baby is here- where is he- i need to see him" "Calm down, you need to stand in line and register" A nurse came out immediately and took me back, she lead me into a small room with a sign outside that said Grief and Bereavement Room. This was the first time that I realized that he was not in good shape. Until then I had closed my mind to the thought that he would not make it, his was a chubby, healthy baby, give me a break. Matt comes running into the room, I remember that Logan had on only one shoe. The nurses were preparing us that he might have brain damage and will need to go to Pittsburgh for care if he pulls through. They asked us to call a family member so we called Matt's parents. Nurses kept coming in and saying "they are working as hard as they can for him right now" After about an hour, the doctor came in and said that he was gone. "We worked for an hour and have gotten no response" I thought to myself, and hour, it seems like 10 minutes "we will clean him up and you can go see him". We walked down the hall, the boys were with Matt's parents who had arrived, and went to hold our son for the last time. God was that hard. I scooped him up sat in a chair and held him, it looked like he was just sleeping, very peaceful. Matt held him next and sobbed. We were given as much time as we wanted with him. And then we left... it was really hard to fight every instinct you have as a parent to protect your child and we were leaving him alone in a cold, sterile hospital room.

I woke up at 5 am- no Killian- no baby to feed- i was overcome with sadness and laid in bed and sobbed. Matt was sleeping ( i later found out that he was up until 4am grieving). I decided to get up. Jacob woke up and cam downstairs "are you crying for Killian". "Yes, i miss him." "Can we go the the hospital and get him" "No, he died and is not coming home" "OK". Poor Jacob- so confused. Shortly after that the phone started ringing and did not stop for days.

Saturday was the day to make the arrangements. My parents came in from Jersey and were helping with the boys. We went out to make all of the arrangements. First we had to buy him an outfit and pick up the Christmas picture I had taken of him 2 weeks earlier. Of course I start crying at he Walmart counter... we get a frame and get out of there quick. Then we decide to go to sears to find a new outfit to bury him in, Matt requested something new because it would be too difficult to bury him in something he wore when he was alive. So it's a Saturday and it's 3 weeks before Christmas and I felt like punching every smiling shopper that passed me in the face... needless to say that was a quick shopping trip too. We get to the funeral home and meet a soft spoken man in a three piece suit. He showed us the casket, a small white casket with a velor lining and a little white pillow. We gave him the outfit, the picture, and finalized the plans. Off to the cemetery next. We met a man in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, quite a change from the 3 piece suit weirdo of a funeral director. He showed us some available plots. Matt and his mom were diplomatically looking at where we were going to place him. I, at this point, am screaming in my head, "who gives a shit, pick a fucking plot of grass", but i kept my mouth shut. We picked some flowers, grabbed a beer and something to eat and went home. The mood with my parents was awkward- I went to bed early.

On Sunday, we had calling hours and the funeral director slowly pissed me off... i don't think he meant to, I just had no patience for his weirdness.

On Monday, we buried him. In snow. The last time I saw his face, the last time I touched him. Casket was sealed, blessings and all that stuff and then it was time to bury him. As we are standing in the snow I'm thinking "what a small hole, how fucked up is this, is this really happening". After the blessing of the grave, we left him, this time for good, fighting those instincts again, who leaves their baby in the snow. I do, my son is dead.

It has eased through the years, but I still miss him all the time.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T17:02:00.004-05:00

I have been thinking about Thanksgiving today and all of the things that I am thankful for. First of all, for all of my blog readers who don't know, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. This is for two main reasons... the first is that it was our last holiday with Killian, so that alone makes it special to me. The other reason is that it is a very relaxed holiday, where we play a little football and eat a great dinner, and I just really enjoy it. It's almost the last relaxed day until after Christmas, or at least that's how I see it. Anyway, back to what I am thankful for. Of course the boys, even when they are at their worst I am thankful they are here and that they are healthy. Killian, for the 10 weeks that we spent with him that I will never forget. Matt and our marriage. It is pretty damn good... I'm not saying it's perfect or that we don't have our issues, but we are together and we have been through a hell of alot and it's still strong, and getting stronger every year. And my extended family members are great. They offer support and encouragement, and are always available to lend an ear. So I have a lot to be thankful for and hope that everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and can think of everything that they are thankful for too!

My little gobblers last year->

This years gobblers.. and their too cool pose ;)

Jacob is 10!

2009-10-12T08:15:00.006-04:00

Jacob turned 10 on Saturday.... 10.... a decade old! That is just crazy, and hard to believe how fast he is growing up. It's a little sad too, but he had a great birthday! He received tons of lego sets, which really made him happy! The next day we had Zan's suprise party, so it was an eventful weekend to say the least. Jacob decided he wanted his party at the same place he had it last year, so we all went to the Olympic Fun Center and they had a blast! Here are some pictures of my big, bad, 10-year old!!!

Six

2009-09-19T07:29:00.008-04:00

Six.... Killian would be six today. I often wonder what it would be like in our house with another crazy boy running around! I have been thinking about him more as his birthday approached and I can only say that I miss him more than anyone could know or understand. I was thinking about how different I am and will I ever be the same again? I am definitely not the same person I used to be. This could be a good thing, but it still feels like it's wrong, like I'm wrong. There is a hole in my heart that never heals. The dull ache is always there. It's like it shrinks for a while as we go through our daily lives and then becomes a big gaping hole when his birthday, death day, and holidays come around. I know that some people may think that our adoption is a replacement baby for him, but that could be further from the truth. She will be a joy to our family and a healer for the boys, especially Jacob (who remembers all the details of that night and has continued anxiety due to his brother's death). Matt and I simply have more love in our heart for another child. I have also been thinking about how not to take anthing for granted. When the boys are driving me nuts, I try to remember how lucky I am to have them in my life. The boys will never realize that they saved my life... literally. All of those days and weeks after he passed, when I thought about taking too many pills, or driving my car off the road, but I couldn't do it... there was no way I could abandon the boys I have and love. Someday, I will tell the boys how they saved me just by being them, being here, and the love we share. So for his sixth birthday post, I will share a photo of all of my boys. Happy sixth Killian.

The beach!

2009-08-23T08:51:00.013-04:00

The beach was wonderful and 2 weeks there was such a treat. It was so nice to loose track of time and days, play with the boys every day, read 3 books, and take some naps. The house was great with 17 of us there... it was very big! The boys had a wonderful time.

It took until the 2nd day to convince the boys that the ocean was a fun place to swim. We did wind up getting them vests to wear because the rip tide was strong, but they did not complain. Once we were able to get them into the ocean, we were not able to get them out! Jacob also enjoyed fishing with his Uncle Jimmy, who really taught him a lot about fishing!

There was also the great search for beach glass going on, which consumed a lot of their time. We had 2 bonfires at the beach (or tried to... they were really pathetic fires) and went to catch crabs. The first night we went crabbing, we dropped a crab and it crawled up Jacob's leg.... needless to say I walked my crying son back to the beach house and he never saw the beach at night again.

There was also a mini golf day and a sandcastle day, which the boys both enjoyed! Their Uncle Jimmy (with a little help from Daddy) also made a treasure hunt for all the kids and the treasure was $20 each. The boys were really excited about that as well!

So much more happened over the 2 weeks, but I can't write it all down. It was a great vacation, that the boys will always remember... we have come home with wonderful memories of our vacation together- hopefully next year Mia will be with us!

Summer continues...

2009-07-17T07:05:00.008-04:00

Things here have been pretty hectic this summer. There are continued motocross races, 4th of July, a visit from my brother from Texas, we are preparing for 2 weeks at the beach. We are so excited for our vacation.

At the end of June we went to Kennywood for our annual outing with my brother Chris, Lori, and Nick. It was a great time as always. Jacob finally rode the biggest coaster there and then rode it 2 more times. Once he was brave enough to try, he has become quite the connoisseur. Logan finally reached 46 inches and a whole new world at the park opened up to him. Logan continues to be completely different from Jacob and will ride anything he can! The kids had a wonderful time with their cousin Nick!

The Friday before the 4th the boys went to Idelwild with the Aunt Zan and cousin Tess! They again had a wonderful time and even got an old fashioned picture taken! Logan is the sheriff and Jacob is the cowboy and Tess, of course, the damsel in distress- too cute!The 4th of July celebration was at our house and it went well. Matt and Zan went out and bought some fireworks, so they were pretty fun to watch. Typical Tony lit a battery of fireworks that fell over and started shooting flaming balls into the woods. Since the house did not catch on fire we could all laugh about it!

This past weekend was also very eventful! My mother came to Pittsburgh for a visit and my brother Mark from Texas as well! It was a really nice gesture for them to spend a day on their tour of the East coast. The cousins really hit it off, which was nice and have really grown since I last saw them. It was nice to see them since it has been so long.

And now we prepare for our vacation! We are all so excited!! Logan has not seen the beach since he was a little over a year and Jacob since he was 3. They are going to have so much fun!

Finally, to talk about what this blog is about.... our daughter! I talked with our social worker the other day and there is still a wait for us. ALL of our paperwork will expire soon, but our dossier in China will not be effected (essentially we are still in line, even as things start to expire) it just means that shorter update forms will no longer be an option for us. We are in it for the long haul though! It's so interesting because, with just cause, I am asked about our adoption by others with hesitation, people seem to be afraid to ask. Just to let everyone know who is reading this, we are not giving up on her or this! There is (or will be) a girl in China who will be perfect for our family and needs a loving home, and that will be us- take care and we will update again after the beach!

Summer, summer, summertime!

2009-06-20T08:46:00.009-04:00

The end of the school year was uneventful and we are moving into our 2nd full week of summer vacation. The boys are loving being out of school and for the most part have been fun to spend the time with, with the exception of their fights, which can be mean and physical.... pretty much an all out brawl- at least until someone gets hurt!

We have been very busy with their motocross racing and they are making good progress. They are both really getting used to the racing scene and more comfortable doing it. Jacob is still timid on the bike and is not an aggressive racer. (He rode quads for so long that the change to the bike has been a challenge for him) This usually results in last place for his age bracket, but he's OK with it. He is becoming more confident and assured of himself, which is what we were hoping for. Logan is nuts on his bike. He doesn't have the fastest type of bike in his class and still manages to place 2nd every race. We are looking to get him a faster bike, but we are having trouble funding him one right now. He is having a great time with the races though and really loves it!

We are still waiting to get our baby girl... we continually hear that there will be a speed up, but at this time it still moves at a snails pace. We still have 7 months of people ahead of us! Anyway, we will still wait...

July should be a fun month... we will be closing on a rental property and will finally become landlords- we are really excited about this. We are also hoping to get the hot tub area finished and put the tub in as well as an above ground pool! The boys are really excited, but are having trouble with the waiting part =) Take care everyone and we will update again soon!

May Madness!

2009-05-25T20:54:00.022-04:00

Well it has been quite a week. We spent 3 days in Baltimore for my niece Emily's graduation from Hopkins. It was nice to experience this with her. Jacob spent most of his time under my dress staying out of the sun. Logan slept under the bleacher for the entire 2 hour commencement. He actually snaked his body under the guy next to me (who was a total stranger, but was very nice).

Then it was back home to prepare for Logan's party with his classmates. Logan turned 7! Logan was very excited to get an ipod and an iturtle. As well as some wii and ds games in the morning from us. Logan invited all 22 of his classmates , but it turned out to be 12 boys and 2 girls. We ate pizza, smacked a pinata, played kickball, and of course had cake, ice cream, and presents! Logan has a great time and his cousin Nick stayed longer to play and have dinner, so that was an extra bonus!

The next day was the family party. Dirtbike and quad riding and grilling out. It was a fun day and again Logan had a great time and got so many wonderful gifts. This year no one was hurt

either riding quads or otherwise. June should be exciting as well. The boys are done with school on June 4th and will continue with their motocross races. As for China, it continues to move at a snails pace, but we will continue to wait!

Spring happenings...

2009-05-11T20:55:00.012-04:00

There has been a lot going on these days at the Vogel house, so I thought I would update and let everyone know what we have been up to. As the weather began to break we started to clean out the fish pond, that was attached to the deck and came with the house (fish too!), we realized that there was a problem. Matt and I have had limited success with these fish, here is the history. All of the fish survived the first winter, but the second winter all of the Koi fish died. We later found out that because we didn't crack the ice, they suffocated on their own carbon dioxide. I felt bad, but not bad enough to replace them. The 3rd year all of the bullfrogs died, and then this year ALL of the goldfish left were floaters... every last one of them. So we had a dilemma at this point. Do we get a new pump and more fish or do we drain the pond and make a nice space for a hot tub?? HOT TUB of course!

So that was a huge pain in the ass job and of course that weekend it was close to 90 degrees, but we got it done and the boys even chipped in for $2.00!

Right now all of the hot tub plans are on hold until we close on a rental property that we are buying at the end of the month. Matt is going to be wearing a landlord hat now... he's really excited about it. So the hot tub can wait... at least we can avoid West Nile virus now that all of the stagnant water is gone.

The other time consumer is the boys motocross racing. The boys have begun competitive motocross racing and they both really enjoy it. In the pictures Logan is on the blue bike with the #1 and Jacob is on an orange bike with a #53. It is pretty intense and there are many father's who are living their dreams vicariously through their children. Their kid's bikes are in mint condition, with the most expensive gear... you get the picture. And there are Jacob and Logan, bikes all muddy and scratched with gear in the same condition, and I wonder when the kids they are competing against ride. We bought our boys these bikes to ride, and they ride everyday that they can. It's a dangerous sport, but it is really great to see them having fun!

The next few weeks are going to be busy and we have birthday's coming up soon. Hopefully Logan's party this year will be injury free! For those who don't know a boy at Logan's party last year fell in the woods and cut his knee open to the bone... it was AWFUL!! I felt sooo bad. We are keeping our finger's crossed this year for no injuries and no playing in the woods will be allowed! Unfortunately my birthday is coming up as well. I'm starting to physically feel old, which is definitely something I don't like. Matt, of course, finds my aches and pains amusing since he has been already experiencing unexplained pains for a few years!

I will update again after our trip to Baltimore and the birthdays/memorial day weekend!

Easter fun!

2009-04-18T07:38:00.015-04:00

We have been busy since spring has arrived with working outside and spending time with the family. We all went to the Circus in Pittsburgh... the boys LOVED it. They talked about it nonstop for days after we saw it. Logan had a spring program and he was really excited about it! He did a great job, he know all his dance moves and words to the songs... he was too cute!

Then it was Easter weekend. Matt went to the cabin for some guy time and the boys and I hung out together. We met up with cousin Nick at the Fun Center for some fun and they had a great tme... at least until we got home. The boys and Nick were riding their bicycles on the motocross track and all was well until... Jacob came in screaming after getting his middle finger caught between the spoke and the chain and ripped the pad of his finger practically off. It was ugly and shortly after Nick and Lori went home. In hindsight he should have been stiched... I wanted to take him to the ER but Matt talked me out of it.

By Easter morning all was forgotten. His finger was still tender, but he was able to hunt for eggs like a champ! At our house the bunny hides eggs, stuffed with candy, all over the house and the boys have to search for the eggs with their intial on it. It's always tons of fun and this year they got some motocross gear to boot... a very sucessful morning!

We shared a wonderful afternoon with family... there were 2 more missing this year from the table and that always makes hoildays difficult, but it has brought the whole family closer together. Summer is coming before we know it and the boys just can't wait. They have their first motocross race on May 2nd and are so excited! As for our daughter we still wait... the process is still slow :( We'll update again!

The room is painted!

2009-03-14T06:45:00.010-04:00

Ok so here we go with the saga of Mia's room, it's actually not that dramatic, but required some thought. The boys now share a bedroom. They actually prefer it this way, Jacob has a lot of anxiety and likes to have Logan with him at night. So we got their room situated first... motocross themed of course. Then it was to tackle her room. There is brown carpeting in that room and I wasn't about to re-carpet so I had to pick a color that would work well. I went to Lowe's and got some colors and in the end went with Peach Ash (or peach ass as Matt liked to call it). When I was done painting the room we all thought it was really bright and PINK. Matt and I thought it was alittle crazy, but we never had a girl, so I had some friends (with girls) look at it and the color passed, so we were done with that part. Then it was off to look at wallpapers and that was as stressful as picking the color. Do I go with Wallies or a border??? When I started looking I didn't like anything. Most of the borders had a pink background, which wouldn't work, or were themed. Not that there is anything wrong with a Disney Princess room, but it was not appealing to me. So now what.. it was quite a dilemma. A few weeks later I was at my neighbors house and she showed me her bedroom that she stenciled and I thought that could be an idea for Mia's room. So I started looking online and found one that I thought was really cute. I ordered it and went to work!

The first job was to paint a lighter background for the stencils. So I mixed white paint with the leftover peach paint and created a very light peach. Then I measured, leveled, and taped a border, and finally painted the strip.

Then the stenciling began... below are pictures of the first stencil completed and the details over it, as well as a close up of the wall stencils.

I think it turned out well, but it was a lot more time consuming than I thought it would be! Now all we need is a baby to put in it ;-)

Spring is here! (Or so we hope..)

2009-03-06T07:25:00.008-05:00

I have not updated in some time, so I thought I could update now. We did a whole bunch of nothin' during the month of February. It was cold and crappy and we spent most of our time huddled in the house. But now that it's warmer, the boys are outside playing, there is less fighting, and much better sleeping for my ADHD buddies! We have also had our first motocross practice which all of the boys (Matt included) were excited about. The boys (Matt included again) plan to race this Spring so we are in full practice mode here at the Vogel house!

Jacob has gotten a new dirtbike and really loves it. Here are some pictures of him in action!

Logan has also gotten a new dirtbike as well and is also enjoying it! He is a bit crazier that Jacob on it though... for those of you who know Logan well- I'm sure you are just shocked by this!

As for our adoption... we still wait. I have gotten a call from my agency that they have some information that the wait could speed up... I just keep my fingers crossed. I have finally decided what to do with the nursery, so once I finish it I will post the pictures!

I will continue to let you know as the adoption and the craziness of out household progresses!

Getting through the winter blues... hopefully with some sanity!?!

2009-01-24T16:14:00.005-05:00

I just thought I would update our blog to let everyone know that we are trying to get through the winter blues here and everyone is anxious for Spring to get here. All the boys, matt included, can't wait to get outside and RIDE! So to pass the time the boys play in the snow, play wii, shoot nerf darts at the ceiling, build forts out of blankets, and did i forget to mention... get into LOTS of mischief together. Here are some pictures of passing the time.

With all this free time, I have decided what I am going to do with Mia's room. I have picked a stencil pattern and will be senciling her room. I still have yet to order it, but I plan to have it done before the weather gets nice. We still have 7 months of perople waiting ahead of us... ugh! We are in it for the long haul and can't wait to see her face! Take care everyone!

Recapping the holiday

2009-01-03T08:12:00.005-05:00

Well, Christmas was eveything and a bag of chips!! The boys were so excited that Santa brought them a Wii. They have been playing it nonstop ever since. Jacob loves Carnival games and Logan is really into Lego indiana jones for Wii. I think that they will go through Wii withdrawl when they go back to school.

We spent alot of time with family and traveling during their break from school and I am finally getting the boys on schedule for Monday. We have all been off for 12 days, talk about a painful return to work and school!

We are hoping that this new year will bless us with out daughter from China, but there are still many people in line ahead of us, so we will continue to wait our turn. At the very least we can hope for a better year than the year before right? Here is wishing everyone a very happy New Year!!!

Thoughts of China...

2008-12-23T07:37:00.002-05:00

I know that the next few days will be a whirlwind, so I have decided to blog some of my thoughts today. The first thought that I have is of our baby Killian. This will be our 5th Christmas without him. Logan asked me about him yesterday and was asking why a baby would die. Logan is really understanding death at this time, since his Grandpa recently died, but struggled with his younger brother's death, because this does not make sense... yes I understand that too, but his is our path in this life. And although I would trade any lessons I have learned, to be my shallow self before his death, I can't deny that my life has changed since loosing him. I am grateful for my healthy and happy boys. I appreciate family more, and have to believe that we are adopting a daughter now because Killian knows this will heal us. Killian is always with us... I can feel him and see his signs from time to time. And our baby in China... so many unanswered questions. Is she born, where was she abandoned, is she loved this Christmas, is she warm, is she being held, is her belly full??? All these questions that we don't know the answers to.. we can only hope that we will be holding her soon.

Revving up for Christmas!

2008-12-13T12:58:00.015-05:00

Well the Vogel house is revving up for Christmas. We went to see the man in red yesterday. That was fun. Of course when they saw Santa, they completely changed their list... ugh! The picture below is of them waiting in line. I wasn't allowed to take a picture of them with Santa, unless I wanted to pay for it, and we said no thanks. I think that if I tried the lady would have tackled me to the ground and taken my camera. As it was I had to walk through to the exit while they talked to Santa. The bear in the picture is Winston. Winston travels through Logan's class and then the kids have to write about their adventures with him. It was very exciting to take Winston to the mall with us!!

There were 2 really great things that happened at the mall though. The first is that Logan reminded Santa not to come down the chimney because he will be burnt by the wood burner. The second awesome thing is that Jacob gave some of his money to the bell ringer. This is a big step for Jacob, because he is somewhat of a miser. It was really cool to see him donate his money, independently. They are both such sweet boys and we are really blessed.

We also made cut out cookies. Well at least the first batch, because they have both eaten 5 each today alone and the cookies will never make it to Christmas. They have a sweet tooth, like their mom!

We will update again to tell everyone how Christmas turned out :)

Thanksgiving Reflections...

2008-11-30T12:23:00.007-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I love Thanksgiving, it is definetely my favorite holiday. I would have to say that I am thankful for my health and my family, extended and immediate. It was a busy weekend for us. We had a split Thursday with celebrations in both Pittsburgh and Beaver. That kept us moving. In Pittsburgh the boys enjoyed playing with the marshmallow shooters that my brother made for them, and playing with their cousin Nick. The food was great as well as the company!Then it was off to Beaver for dessert and more merriment. That was fun too and it was nice to see everyone. Now it's off for the Christmas rush... fun, fun! Take care everyone!

Fall Fun!

2008-11-02T07:31:00.005-05:00

Hi everyone.. Just thought that I would post a quick update. Halloween was great. I spent the afternoon volunteering at both of the boys school parties, which I really enjoy. The kids are so funny and nice, and the way I see it, they are only this young once. Then we went to town for trick-or-treat, also a good time. Logan was a motocrooss rider and Jacob was a Hounds football player. They have also been having fun playing in the falling leaves. There are always plenty to play in at our house.

To update on the China journey for our daughter. The news continues to be a longer wait. It could be up to another year. The wait is uncertain at this time, but we will continue to be in this until the end. I just have to believe that there is some fate behind all of this and that the timing of her adoption is being planned this way for a reason. If anything it keeps me sane!!!

Nine is Fine!

2008-10-18T21:27:00.011-04:00

Our oldest son has turned 9. This is both a blessing and a challenge. A blessing in that Jacob has been here with us, creating memories for 9 years, and a challenge because 9 year olds are tough to raise. He has become so independent and is really growing up. He is starting to test the household boundaries and can be defiant at times. All of these behaviors are trying, but healthy. It's really quite interesting to see Jacob trying to find his interests and place in this world. He is really growing up.

We had a wonderful party for Jacob at a local recreational place. Jacob and all of his friends had a wonderful time. It was a great party and this really celebrated his 9 year old birthday!

Happy Birthday triple cheese... we love you!

Happy 5th Birthday

2008-09-27T07:50:00.004-04:00

Well I'm posting a little late, but there has been too much sadness and I just couldn't do it yesterday. I looked in our Killian photo album for a picture of Matt's dad and Killian, but we don't have one, 10 weeks is not alot of time for photo opportunities. Anyway with Matt's dad passing, it really makes you appreciate what you have. I have a wonderful husband, 2 great boys, a china doll on the way, and 10 weeks of precious memories that I will never forget. Happy 5th baby Killian..."This is not at all how we thought it was supposed to be

We had so many plans for you, we had so many dreams

But now you've gone away and left us with the memory of your smile

And nothing we can say, and nothing we can do

Can take away the pain of loosing you...

But we can cry with hope

We can say goodbye with hope

'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end

And we can pray with hope

And we can say with hope

There's a place where we'll see your face again."

School and football- Fall is coming!

2008-08-30T20:22:00.007-04:00

Hello everyone. I thought that I would do another August update of the past week. First the boys went back to school this week, and this year I was feeling alittle sad. We really had a wonderful summer with the boys. They were alot of fun to be around- minimal fights and lots of hanging out at home. Jacob started 3rd grade and Logan started 1st grade. This is really crazy - they are growing up way to fast!!!

And there has been some really exciting football news! Jacob played his first game today in the high school stadium. It was very amusing. Jacob plays Defensive back and wing back, and pretty much has no clue of what he should be doing, like all the other 3rd graders. It was really cute though, and he was so pumped up after the game. He had a great time!!! In the pictures below Jacob is number 77.
I'll update more as we advance through the Fall months. Matt has a new job and now that the boys are in school they do not see him as much, and they are going through some serious withdrawal! We are all doing well and patiently waiting for the baby- on which there has been no new news. The room is slowly coming along, though I can't quite figure out how I want to finish the walls. Unfortunately I have time!!! Take care everyone!

Summer continues, but not for much longer!

2008-08-17T08:44:00.006-04:00

Hello everyone. We are halfway through August and it hard to believe how fast the summer has passed. The boys return to school on August 26th, so there is really not much more time for them. They are continuing to have a great summer. There is one new thing for this month, and that is football camp! We're talkin' pads, helmets, tackle, 5 nights a week, 2 hours a night. It is crazy and quite a commitment, but Jacob is really having a good time. During the second week, Jacob had shin splints. These are very painful, but Motrin with 20 minutes of heat and 20 minutes of ice before practice seemed to do the trick. They are still bothering him, but that's football.

Logan is doing well also. He enjoys going to the camp during the evening, and playing with kids he knows from school. Logan told me that he is not ready to go back to school and is not excited. It should be an interesting first day. Hopefully new shoes will motivate him to walk out the door.

As everyone knows, the Olympics are finally underway, so we are hoping for a speedup here in the next few weeks. There are some glitches right now with updating out fingerprints, but we have confidence that our adoption agency will work this out for us. It really does not look like we will be traveling until February anyway, unless of course there is a miracle.

We will keep everyone posted! Thanks for reading!

July Update

2008-07-13T09:31:00.007-04:00

I have been thinking for weeks now that I should update this blog, but the boys have been really keeping us busy. We had our annual trip to Kennywood, and lots of Graduation parties to attend. The boys have been very busy, from morning to night. Slipping and sliding, riding quads, and catching fireflies. They also spend lots of time fighting and playing together!

Matt and I are doing well. Matt has been laid off for the summer, so he has become Mr. Mom and does a good job. The boys are really enjoying their time with Daddy! For the 4th of July weekend we all met at the Cabin. It was fun and the kids had a great time with their cousins. There was a lot of quad and dirt bike riding, but we have turned a leaf. It was the first time that there were no accidents or injuries! I think everyone is getting the hang of this.

As for baby Mia, we wait. Things appear to be speeding up already as China has announced that adoptions will be not be completed until after the Olympics, but they are sending out more referrals, that's good news. The bad news is that now our agency has not been accredited and we may need to change agencies. The agency is appealing the denial and we are hopeful that things will work out. Their sister agency received the accreditation, so we can use them if worse comes to worse. We have waited long enough already and hope that things will go smoothly. I have picked the paint color and will begin the room soon. We are at least at the home stretch. We'll be sure to keep everyone updated. Happy summer!

Party, Party, Party....

2008-06-01T08:35:00.009-04:00

Well, the end of May has been very busy. Logan turned 6! We can't believe it, he's gotten so big so fast. He had a wonderful birthday, but there were lots of crazy events that occurred. First I'll recap his birthday. Logan started the morning with a blue and black DS. He has to be just like his older brother.

He was really excited and then came the friend party. 10 6 year old boys and 1 girl. It was CRAZY here. Pizza, cupcakes and trampoline. What else do you need, until the boys decided to take a nature walk around the dirt bike track. A guest came back up to the house covered in mud, and then he showed us his knee. Split down to the bone. I felt terrible. Chris was here and was able to patch him up until his parents arrived. The poor thing needed 9 stitches and is on crutches. We made it through the rest of the day with no other major medical problems.

(Logan and cousin Nick at the party)

The next day was my birthday and the family party. Nothing to report on my end, it's sad how fast I've grown up (ha,ha!) Anyway the day started off busy preparing everything for the cookout. Everyone came for a picnic, birthday celebration and some quad riding. Everyone stayed around the house to ride at first, we opened presents and sang happy birthday. Shortly after Matt's mom and Grandmother left and the party opened up. Matt took the older nephews and our nieces boyfriend on their quad down the street to the trails. Until my nephew ran over the boyfriend's head with the quad. Not good, but could have been worse. Just scrapes and cuts and he was wearing a helmet, so the noggin was OK too! The party broke up after that. Anyway, those were the really terrible things that happened. I want to say overall it was a busy and really fun weekend.

The boys get out of school on June 5th, so we'll see what the summer brings. It should be interesting, never a dull moment with those 2!!! As for Mia we are all patiently waiting for her arrival. The Olympics are coming up, so things will be at a standstill in August, until they are over, and then our agency is hoping for a speedup. Also the series of destructive earthquakes has many of the orphanages unstable and they are caring for the babies in tents outside. We hope and pray that she is OK.

I'll post again in June. Happy summer!

May 2008

2008-05-11T12:06:00.011-04:00

May is always a busy month for us, so I thought I would do 2 posts for this month. Jacob had his Spring Program and it was really cute! The kids sang songs and told jokes. It was a good time!

Jacob is the one in the suit next to the drum set. He's so cute!

Logan is gearing up for his birthday and an upcoming weekend of partying!! Logan received an early birthday suprise yesterday... his own quad! He was shocked and really had a great time riding it!

Jacob stood in the woods and monitored Logan's progress on the quad. He only posed for a second for this picture. Jacob is out of commission with his quad. He was jumping it so hard he broke the frame in half!!! Time to find a welder.

Matt and I are doing well and enjoying the warmer weather. Here are some crazy pictures of us with the boys.

Lastly I took this picture of George and think it's cute.

Everyone take care and Happy Mother's Day!

April Update

2008-04-16T17:16:00.007-04:00

Hello everyone. Just figured that I would give everyone an update. We actually had a task to complete for the adoption, which was really stressful because we haven't done anything for so long. Our adoption agency wanted us to apply for fingerprint and update our orphan petition. We did, so that's one step closer.

The boys are doing well and really enjoying spring. They are outside as much as possible, even in the rain! They are having a great time in the woods and with the new bikes they got for Easter from mom and dad, the bunny only brings chocolate.

I'm not sure if you can tell in the picture, but the bright light next to Logan in the picture is because we had 2 inches of snow the Saturday before Easter!

They also had new school pictures taken, which I'll share below. They are pretty cute boys if I do say so myself.

Matt and I are doing well and working too much I think. There is always something to do. We will be having a bash at the end of May and all are welcome. It should be fun. We will continue to plug away at daily life while we wait for our baby. The boys ask about her constantly and are really planning for her arrival. She, even though we don't know her yet, and even with our stretched patience, will be a wonderful addition to our family and we all can't wait to welcome her. Take care everyone!

March Update

2008-03-17T14:43:00.004-04:00

Happy St. Patty's Day everyone! I thought that I would take a moment to do a March update. On the adoption front, we are still waiting, but we are one step closer and now in the matching room. This is another"room" that are paperwork moves into after it has received a final stamp of approval. The weird thing is that when they match a baby from the orphanage to a family, they look at the passport pictures of the parents, specifically the father, and look for some type of similar feature. That's great.. another one like Matt, actually who are we kidding. We are whiter than white and she'll be asian, there won't be any similarity there. I dont really care what she looks like, I just want to get her home.

Jacob is doing well, and the weather out here is starting to break, finally. He is able to spend more time outside, which is where he likes to be. He also completed a male bonding activity with Matt and they made a birdhouse.

Logan is doing well also, and giving his Kindergarten teacher a run for her money. Logan has deceided that he does not want to do school papers all the time anymore. He also wants to run the classroom. Interesting... I always knew he'd be our rebel. The pictures below are from a Valentine's program at school, that was cancelled and rescheduled a bunch of times.

Matt and I are also doing well. Same old, same old, different day.

We'll keep everyone posted!

We're still waiting...

2008-02-15T10:50:00.006-05:00

Hello everyone. We did not fall off the planet, we're just braving the Western PA winter. I finally got the pictures from Christmas developed so I'll post my favorites of the boys. As for our baby in China, we are still waiting and aren't sure how much longer. We don't anticipate that we will have her for next Christmas. BUMMER. The boys ask us all of the time where their sister is and when is she coming home. We all can't wait for her to get home. Otherwise we are all well and have been fairly healthy this winter. The boys are really growing and changing everyday. Unfortnately so are their attitudes, but they are a lot of fun! Well, we will be sure to keep everyone updated!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2007-12-25T10:53:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone. I would love to post some pictures of our Christmas morning, but we need a new cord to attach the camera to my new LAPTOP!!! Merrry Christmas to me! The other big hits from Santa were a Guitar Hero for Jacob and a Spongebob Lego set for Logan, among other presents! I will post pitctures this weekend. And as for the reason for the blog in the first place, we are still waiting patiently for our daughter and Mei Mei (sister in chinese). Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Sorry that we have been unavailable for so long!

2007-12-05T13:17:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone. We lost our computer. It died a slow and painful death, but thanks to Best Buy we are back on the net! It was so depressing being disconnected for so long. Anyway, Thanksgiving was nice and we are all gearing up for Christmas. Things in China are still slow. I'll still keep everyone updated. Take care. Matt, Mary, and boys

Happy Halloween!

2007-11-02T19:18:00.000-04:00

Jacob is Jack Sparrow, again and Logan is Spiderman. They got to go trick or treating 2 times, so we have tons of candy. I'm not complianing. I also volunteered at both boy's school parties. That was quite an adeventure to say the least. Well, for all who want to know about Mia, we are still patiently waiting. Take care and we will post again soon.

Quick Update!

2007-10-20T13:56:00.001-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. We celebrated Jacob's birthday for a weel and his best friend selpt over last night. That was intersting and the kids were CRAZY. The bowling party was a hit and all the kids had a great time. Still waiting on China and we will be waiting for a while yet. I was trying to figure out how to add a youtube video to this, but I am unfortunately not that savy. For any mom's who are checking in youtube the "William Tell" mom, it is hysterical! Take care everyone, I'll post again soon!!

Eight is Great!!

2007-10-10T19:10:00.000-04:00

Look who's 8! It's hard to believe that he is 8 years old, and he's really starting to become very independent these days. His party will be Saturday and I'll share all about the fun day then. For now, he got a Nintendo DS from us and he was very happy about this. He also go an early gift from his Grandparents and Nana, in the form of $130 shoppping spree at Toys R Us. Mostly spent on Legos. He's been having a great week. I'll let everyone know how the party goes this Saturday!

Update about China

2007-10-05T07:56:00.000-04:00

Well, China again referred a very samll log in date and batch of babies to those waiting in line ahead of us. As always noone knows what they are thinking. From the home fornt last night was the boys open house. They were both so excited to show us their artwork and classrooms. They are both doing so well. Jacob will be 8 soon. It's so hard to believe that he is growing so fast and right before our eyes. I cherish this time with him, beacuse I know soon he'll not want to be with his parents anymore. Which is apporpriate, but will be sad just the same. I'll keep everyone updated.

Happy Birthday

2007-09-26T18:47:00.001-04:00

I wanted to do a small post in honor of our son Killian Scott. Today is his birthday and he would be 4 if he was still with us. As odd as it sounds I believe that he is with us in spirit, but I miss being able to hold him and that alone, is unbearable. For those of you who have endured this tragedy with us, I find it to be amazing the resiliency that we have as human beings, and that the old saying is true... time does ease all wounds, notice I did not say heal! There will always be a part of our family that is missing and an ache in my heart for our Killian, until the day I finally leave this earth. So it is with a heavy and sad heart that I say Happy birthday to our son.

"This was not at all, how we thought it was supposed to be- we had so many plans for you, we had so many dreams. And now you've gone away and left us with the memory of your smile. And nothing we can say, and nothing we can do, can take away the pain- the pain of loosing you. But we can cry with hope, we can say goodbye with hope, 'cause we know our goodbye is not the end. And we believe with hope, there's a place that we'll see your face again."

GO Steelers!!!

2007-09-24T12:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we had our annual Steelers game withe our family. Lots of fun and we had a great time. The Steelers also beat the 49ers so that was great too! Enjoy some of the pictures!

About our journey

2007-09-21T09:12:00.001-04:00

We are actually neophites in our journey to our daughter. Our log in date is November 2006, so unfortunately we have a long wait ahead of us. How we got to this point is a long story, but I'll try to shorten it. My husband Matt and I have 3 beautiful children, but unfortunately we are only raising 2 of them. Jacob will be 8 in October. He is sweet, loving, a great helper and so excited about his baby sister. I think at this point he does not believe that she will ever come. Logan is also sweet and loving, but can be very stubborn and persistent in getting what he wants. A great quality to have, but makes raising him a little difficult. He is five now and in Kindergarten, and gives his teacher a run for her money. Our son Killian would have been 4 next week. We were blessed with his presence for 10 weeks, until SIDS grabbed him and took him away from us. There are no words to express out grief. But 4 years later, I can accept his presence with us in spirit and memory, though the grief still hit us in waives. Now how we got to China. When Killian was conceived, Logan was 6 months old. He was our wonderful surprise!! My husband and I decided that 3 children was all we could handle and 2 weeks before he passed my husband had a vasectomy. In the Spring of 2006, my husband and I decided that we had room for another child in our life, before this time it was unthinkable. It was too late to complete any fertility treatments to have another child of our own. We decided to look into adopting, because we also wanted daughter. In June the paper chase began.