Sorry... sorry... been a little busy

Well, I know that I have not been very good at keeping up with this, but I will try to catch everyone up. 

First, Mia's health has been good.  In February she had a catherization completed to check on the surgery and they found that the vessels that were used within the surgery were healing themselves closed.  They placed 2 stents and she has been great.  We don't have to see the Dr. again until June and her next scheduled heart catherization will be sometime in August!  YEA!

Mia also celebrated her 5th birthday in March and loved every minute of it!  Our little miss will be going to the big Kindergarten in the fall!  While I feel she will do great in Kindergarten and will love it, I have to admit that I am a little sad... I just want her home for a little longer.  And speaking on school, she had a rough patch in school for a while there, but apears to have turned a corner.  Mia was pushing kids and being bossy... the orphange behaviors rear their ugly head, but we addressed it at home and she is not aggressive in school anymore.  Her biggest offense in preschool at this time is talking to her firiends when the teacher is talking =)

Logan had his first broken bone in March as well.  It was 80 degrees here for several days and he was riding his bike, did a wheelie, wasn't paying attention to where Jacob was, and in the process of trying to avoid Jacob, crashed on the driveway and broke his wrist.  The next day he had a surgery to place in pins and after 4 weeks he was completely healed, but had to wear a brace for an additional 2 weeks.  If you are wondering, he was back on the bike as soon as that brace came off!

Jacob has really matured and grown over the past few months.  There was a rough patch with him, but then it seems he turned a corner, though I'm sure there will be more rough patches to come.  We are all just basking in the non-moody Jacob!  He is really doing well in alll areas and can't wait to start racing motocross.

I am sure that there are many things that I have missed... but hey, at least I'm making an effort here!  Hope everyone reading this is well!

1 year!!!

So I am quite delayed in this post, but it has been quite a month!  Mia had her surgery on December 6th.  It was an intense surgery and was tough on Mia.  They cut her on her right side, spread the ribs to complete a unifocalization of the arteries from her lung.  That part was not fun during recovery.  Then they went into the heart and did some work in there.  Mia was very sick after this surgery, she was on a ventilator for 3 days and it was a tough one for her to go through.  1 week later we were home, and you would never know now that she had a surgery 1 month ago.  She still talks about it and asks me why she has to go to the hospital.  I tell her that her heart is sick and that Dr. Allada needs to fix it to make it better.  Her response is always "it makes me feel scared and sad and I don't like it".  Someday she'll understand, but it's hard for a 4 year old to process.  Unfortunately she will need a minimum of 4 more open heart procedures, though they are preparing me that it will most likely be more than just 4.  She's tough and we will get through it.  Someday she will understand that she is alive and it will have all been worth it.  One really cool thing that happened when we were at children's was that we got to meet the Pittsburgh Penguins!  Mia had no idea who they were, but when they gave her a "Belle" doll, she was their best friend!

On December 19th, we had Mia for 1 year!  We went out to dinner that night, for Chinese of course, and celebrated this very special day!  It was very interesting because Mia refused to speak Mandarin to the waitresses, though she clearly understood what they were saying.  She is completely Americanized, though we will continue to encourage her to embrace her Chinese heritage.

And then came Christmas!  What an exciting time for Mia.  She could not believe that there was a scary looking man who was so nice to give her presents because she was such a good girl!  The boys asked me, and I told them the truth, about Santa, but they were so good about making this so special for their little sister.  She got presents Christmas eve, Christmas day, and the day after, so of course on the 27 the first words out of her mouth were "do i get more presents today?"  She's a pistol!  Then it was Matt's birthday the 29th and it was "Is it my birthday too?"  Can you tell she loves presents!  But really who doesn't?!?

It was 1 year ago today that Mia had her first heart Catherization.  I was extremely jet lagged and Mia was terrified.  It was 1 year ago that the Catherization doctor, who we fondly refer to as the "snow bitch" or "ice queen" told me "There is nothing we can do for her.  Enjoy the next 8 years with her and try to give her the best life you can".  My response, as tears are streaming down my face "I can't do this again... I will not survive loosing another child".  Her response "Well I am sorry, but there is nothing we can do."  Then our knight in shining armor, Dr. Allada, said "Show her the pictures.  We need to do a CT scan to find out for sure."  And he has been with us ever since.  When I had her in for her follow up, he remembered that we have had her for a year.  He is so kind and vested in her care.  Our last follow up, he was talking about making plans now for her to live the next 40 or 50 years!  Unbelievable.... take that "Ice Queen"!!!  And she has never cathed Mia again!

She is strong, brave, resiliant, intelligent, loving, and most importantly our daughter!

11 months (and 9 days)

So I am a little late posting this update, but better late than never! We are quickly approaching a year with Mia and she is doing so well.  She will now spontaneously approach us and hug us and tell us that she loves us or that we are her best friend.  She would never decline a hug in the past, but would never intiate it... now she does and it thrills us!  As for her health, within the last post I wrote about her heart catherization being scheduled.  They could not do anything in the procedure and the blockage is in the muscle so nothing could be done there either.  So they wanted her to have surgery as soon as possible.  It was scheduled for the 11/22, but Mia came down with a cold, so it has now been postponed until 12/6.  It is a pretty intense surgery, with 2 incisions, including both lung and heart work.  Her team believes that she is strong enough for this surgery.
Mia also had a few firsts last month, with her brothers helping her learn the ropes the entire time.

Mia was a princess for halloween, and was shocked that people just gave her candy!

Her first thanksgiving.... she enjoyed all of the food as always.

And her first time decorating a Christmas tree.  She kept saying it was so beautiful... she is absolutley adorable.

Stay tuned for surgery updates and 1 year with Mia!!!

10 months!

We have now had Mia for 10 months!!  And she is great!  Mia L-O-V-E-S pre-school.  She gets so excited every day to go.  She is making friends and learning so much.  The school does a developmental screening on the kids and she failed her language screen (identifying different objects by name... shocking I know! LOL!) and her gross motor screen, which we were also no surprised by.  She is a klutz, so they will be bringing PT into school to work with her.  I would be a klutz too, if I couldn't run for almost 4 years!  The theme with Mia for the last 2 month has been "testing".  If I scream and cry in the middle of the mall because I want a dress and not a jacket, what will you do?  If I refuse to answer you when you talk to me, what will happen? It doesn't happen all day long and I just try to remain positive, if she didn't trust us or was comfortable in our home, she wouldn't do it, so I guess we all just get those pats on the back for making her feel truly a part of the family.  As for her health, not the best news, but we knew it was going to be a long road for her back in January.  She was starting to have blue spells late summer.  When we went to Children's for our follow up, they could see a blockage in her heart, close to where the shunt was placed.  She will go in on Tues 10/25 for a heart cath and we have our finger's crossed that they can balloon it open then.  Either way, it looks like she will be having another open heart procedure in the next few months, because they need to move on with repairs to her heart, small and steady steps to repair her heart... complete repair is still unknown.  She attended her first wedding and got a "princess dress", her words, for the occasion.  She had a blast and loved the entire weekend away!  Congrats again to Andrew and Bettina!

Jacob is doing well.  6th grade now and is doing very well this year in school.  He is finally taking his homework responsibilities seriously , which makes for more pleasant evenings in the Vogel house!  He turned 12 on October 10th, which was celebrated in Philadelphia!  He had a nice day and got a Foosball table when we returned home.  He plays a lot with his Dad!

If you remember last year for Logan in school was hellatious!  This year is wonderful.  He was diagnosed in May with Dyslexia and with the correct supports he is doing so well this year in 4th grade.  No more tears, no more faking sick... he actually enjoys school for the first time since Kindergarten!  Logan has also joined Scouts and he really enjoys the activities through Scouts as well.

Puppy Jack is growing so big, but is a great dog.  Completely trained at 4 months and knows basic commands.  He is also quite snuggly and spoiled!  We are not sure how long he will believe that he is a lap dog, because it won't last much longer!

Matt and I are the same... some work, some play, just trying to survive the kids and all that they bring daily.

I will keep everyone updated with Mia's health.

missed

Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours

and not expect to get over my child's death,
but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.

Just for today I will remember my child's life,

not just his death,
and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days and moments we shared.

Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends
who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to.
They truly did not know how.

Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little,
my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too,
and perhaps we can help each other.

Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could of done to save my child from death,
I would of done it.

Just for today I will honor my child's memory
by doing something with my other children
because I know that would make him proud.

Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
to another bereaved parent
for I do know how they feel.

Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because
I had the privilege of loving so much

Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am
and have had my child for as long as I did.

Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting him by living on.
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,
my life did go on,
and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.


Happy 8th birthday Killian... you are never far from our thoughts and hearts.

8 months tomorrow!! (seems like she has always been here though)

Well the month of August has been pretty uneventful for the Vogel family, with the exception of the septic backing up and the water pressure tank spraying water all over the basement!  The boys have been enjoying their last days of freedom from school fishing, riding dirt bikes, and swimming.  They have also been getting into some trouble and doing some wild things, such as riding a wagon down a steep hill towards the road = 0!  The other night they rigged a saucer sled to a bicycle. They worked super hard on it, geared up with helmets and knee pads and rode the sled down the driveway!  It was not only creative, but hysterical to watch!

And Miss Mia is doing so well.  She is sooooo excited to go to pre-school in a few weeks.  She tells us that she is excited to make new friends and will share her toys.  Her English continues to progress.  We are going to have her evaluated by a speech therapist to make sure that their is nothing that we or they could work on with her.  Matt's favorite thing to say to her is "Ni hao" (which means hello in Chinese)  Mia cracks up every time and corrects our pronunciation.  It is so cute!  She is growing like a weed and continues to have a great appetite.  She has gotten so big before our eyes and she is simply beautiful.  She has adjusted better than we could have ever expected and it is really like she has always been here.  As far as her health goes, she continues to do well and plays like a healthy child right now.  I take her back to the cardiologist in mid-September, when I anticipate that they will be scheduling her for her next heart Catherization.  She loves us and we love her.  She talks about going back to China to visit, but does not want to live there. She wants us all to go to China with her... she is so smart!

Mia this spring

Mia yesterday

The last surprise for the month is that on July 20th we got a new puppy!  Jack the Saint Bernard!  We were planning to wait until Spring for a new puppy, but it was so lonely in the house without a dog around.  He is a puppy in many ways, but very laid back.  He is also doing really well with potty training!  It has been nice to train a dog with the boys home... they actually help to take him out!

I will keep everyone posted with updates about our family... thanks for caring and reading!

7 months with Mia!!!

Tuesday marks 7 months with our little miss Mia!  She has had several firsts over the past month. 

She celebrated her first father's day with Matt and the kids made him a "#1 dad" trophy!

She is a fish and loves swimming.  She started using water wings this week and loves them.  She swims for hours at a time.  She also experienced a trip and face plant :(  She sacrificed her baby's safety for her face when she tripped!  That is the injury under her nose...

Mia also saw her first fireworks and loved them as well.  On the 4th we shot fireworks at our house and the only thing she didn't like was the firecrackers.  The following weekend we saw professional fireworks and she loved them.  She kept saying "beautiful"!!  Speaking of her language, she is picking up English so quickly and is really smart!  She has counting to 10 down, but she is still struggling with colors.  She will be attending pre-school in the fall, so that should help her to further develop her language.

We also had our first photo shoot and we finally got her 4 year old picture done.  She's a ham!

Finally I wanted to say sorry about my last doom and gloom post.  I know this will sound strange, but I had this overwhelming sense of dread that weekend, and I assumed it was because of Mia's medical condition.  It turns out that the following monday, our dog George was diagnosed with cancer.  We just put him to sleep this past Monday.... it was really hard on the boys, especially Logan.  We miss him.

Stay tuned for more adventures of the Vogels!!