Happy Birthday

I wanted to do a small post in honor of our son Killian Scott. Today is his birthday and he would be 4 if he was still with us. As odd as it sounds I believe that he is with us in spirit, but I miss being able to hold him and that alone, is unbearable. For those of you who have endured this tragedy with us, I find it to be amazing the resiliency that we have as human beings, and that the old saying is true... time does ease all wounds, notice I did not say heal! There will always be a part of our family that is missing and an ache in my heart for our Killian, until the day I finally leave this earth. So it is with a heavy and sad heart that I say Happy birthday to our son.

"This was not at all, how we thought it was supposed to be- we had so many plans for you, we had so many dreams. And now you've gone away and left us with the memory of your smile. And nothing we can say, and nothing we can do, can take away the pain- the pain of loosing you. But we can cry with hope, we can say goodbye with hope, 'cause we know our goodbye is not the end. And we believe with hope, there's a place that we'll see your face again."

GO Steelers!!!

Yesterday we had our annual Steelers game withe our family. Lots of fun and we had a great time. The Steelers also beat the 49ers so that was great too! Enjoy some of the pictures!

About our journey

We are actually neophites in our journey to our daughter. Our log in date is November 2006, so unfortunately we have a long wait ahead of us. How we got to this point is a long story, but I'll try to shorten it. My husband Matt and I have 3 beautiful children, but unfortunately we are only raising 2 of them. Jacob will be 8 in October. He is sweet, loving, a great helper and so excited about his baby sister. I think at this point he does not believe that she will ever come. Logan is also sweet and loving, but can be very stubborn and persistent in getting what he wants. A great quality to have, but makes raising him a little difficult. He is five now and in Kindergarten, and gives his teacher a run for her money. Our son Killian would have been 4 next week. We were blessed with his presence for 10 weeks, until SIDS grabbed him and took him away from us. There are no words to express out grief. But 4 years later, I can accept his presence with us in spirit and memory, though the grief still hit us in waives. Now how we got to China. When Killian was conceived, Logan was 6 months old. He was our wonderful surprise!! My husband and I decided that 3 children was all we could handle and 2 weeks before he passed my husband had a vasectomy. In the Spring of 2006, my husband and I decided that we had room for another child in our life, before this time it was unthinkable. It was too late to complete any fertility treatments to have another child of our own. We decided to look into adopting, because we also wanted daughter. In June the paper chase began.