Sooo We are going to China on... SUNDAY!!!

We leave for China this Sunday and we will come home on Jan 31st. We have been running around today like nuts, but we will pull it all together in the next 4 days! Check back daily during our trip! We plan to update the blog daily provided we have internet access!

Heart ache

7 years ago my life and that of my families changed forever. We are not the same people that we used to be... none of us. We loved him so much. It's actualy becoming hard to imagine what he would be like now. He is always an infant to me, that's the way I remember him and probably always will. I have done my share of crying yeserday and right now and have not been sleeping welll the last 2 nights. I will get through this anniversary as I always do. Sometimes I greedily think I should never have to, but this is my life. My heart with a huge hole... it's shrinking, but it is always there.

Tiny Angels rest your wings.

Sit with me for awhile.

How I long to hold your hand,

And see your tender smile.

Tiny Angel, look at me,

I want this image clear....

That I will forget your precious face

Is my biggest fear.

Tiny Angel can you tell me,

Why you have gone away?

You weren't here for very long....

Why is it, you couldn't stay?

Tiny Angel shook his head,

"These things I do not know....

But I do know that you love me,

And that I love you so".

Travel Announcement is on it's way!!!

Our TA is on the director's desk as of yesterday!!! We should know that dates that we will travel by Monday or Tuesday! WOOOHOOOO!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving everyone. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Christmas, but it is more for the kids and I love watching them get so excited. Thanksgiving is not only a time to reflect on what we are thankful for, but has an extra special meaning to me. It was the only holiday that we were able to celebrate with Killian and for that reason I believe that Thanksgiving will always be my favorite holiday. We all have things to be thankful for, even the challenges that we face. Life is short and unpredictable, and we all need to remember to be thankful for the beauty and love in our lives.

And not to forget the little girl waiting for us in China... below is the word thankful in Chinese.

Happy halloween!

Another holiday without Mia was pretty disappointing for all of us... but we still managed to have a lot of fun!

We carved pumpkins....

And went trick or treating 2 times! Matt had a balst at his sister's house, scaring the teenagers... it was quite a production they were putting on! Chainsaw and all! Jacob told me that next year he wants to put the "fro" on Mia! The torment of the younger sister is starting already and she isn't even here yet!

We still have no travel dates.... very disappointing. :( We were hoping to have her at the end of the month. We'll just have to wait for notification from China... i just wish they would hurry up!

Jacob is 11! Where does the time go?!?

Well last weekend was quite a birthday bash for Jacob (and exhausting for his parents). Matt joked the entire weekend that it's a birthDAY not a birthWEEKEND, but he is good humored about my partying! The boys had a long weekend for Columbus day so we had 4 friends sleep over on Thursday night. They were all well behaved, got along well, but oh my the house took a toll that night! There was alot of eating junk food, candy, trampoline jumping and of course nerf gun wars!

On Saturday, we had a cookout with family and later a bonfire. Jacob was collecting money to buy himself a DSi, and whaddya know a little birdy told his Aunt Zan and Uncle Jimmy he was saving for one and they got it for him! He was so surprised and happy!

Sunday was his actual birthday, so we gave him our gifts in the morning. Jacob really wanted a bb gun and some wii games! He gave his thank you hugs all around for the gifts! He spent very little of the money he collected for the DSi, just some more video games and drawing supplies.

Overall it was a successful birthday weekend.... happy 11th Jacob!

Happy 7th

"I have realized that we never 'have' children, we receive them. And sometimes it's not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is sill better than never having those children at all"- Jodi Picoult

Happy 7th baby

Update on Mia!!!!

We just got an update on Mia with pictures! She is 2 feet 10 inches tall and weighs 24.2 pounds! For the docs in the family who are reading this her head is 47cm.; chest 51 cm; 20 teeth; and her foot is 14cm. She has cynosis and cannot do vigorous activities. Her language development is fine.

She has lost some weight, which is concerning, but not suprising with her heart condition and with her being institutionalized. We think that she is beautiful and cannot wait to get her home!

Summer catch up

Well first I will post about our adoption process with Mia. We have recieved our LOA for her, which for those of you not in the adoption prcocess is a letter that states that China acceepts us adopting her and we sign stating that we want to continue. Next stop... travel dates!!! We are dying to get her and to know when we will be traveling, so keep your fingers crossed for us!

This summer has been busy. The boys were totally bummed that we did not go to the beach this year, but we were not comfortable setting up a vacation, when we were hoping to be in China!!! Anyway, we got them a pool for the back yard. They love it and it paid itself off after the first week we had it. They swim everyday. I enjoy that they enjoy it too, but keeping the water clear has been a challenge for me. We filled it from the outside tap, which is well water, and it has been a battle all summer. Most of the time it's cloudy and then occastionally will turn brown, green, or yellow! I am the daughter of a chemical engineer, but that gene did not come down the pike to me.

We also went to Kennywood and Idlewild amusement parks. The boys had a wonderful time on both of those trips!

Motocross racing is always a constant for the boys. The boys did well this summer. Competiton is always stiff at these events, but they love doing it and really enjoy the sport.

Our next post will hopefull be the post that we have the dates that we will be going to china and will have our beautiful daughter Mia in our arms!

Catching up

Well, things have been pretty busy around here at the Vogel house. First I will update everyone about Mia. Our paperwork has Hillary Clinton's official stamp of approval on it and we will be getting it back on Monday and then it goes to CHINA!!!! We are so excited and hope that they process everything and invite us to come get her soon! We cannot wait to bring her home!

May is always a busy month at our house... Logan turned 8! I really can't believe it... it seems like just yesterday that I was bringing him home from the hospital. I'm sure it's a moment you never forget and when he turns 18 I will probably think the same thing. All that Logan wanted for his birthday was a hippity hop and a hamster or guinea pig. We strung him along for several weeks, telling him that I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to get him one. So we had his guinea pig ready when he came home from school on Friday and he was so excited!

Then it was a party with some of his friends at the house. A slip n slide, pinata, and water balloon toss went over well with all of the boys! Logan had a wonderful time with Jacob, his friends, and his cousin Nick!

The boys have only been able to race one motocross race because it rains every weekend! They have been disappointed, but I'm sure we will have several races in a row because of all the cancellations and we will keep everyone updated on their progress. During the first race they both placed 3rd, so they were happy about that! We are also proud of Jacob because he received the citizenship award, an award only given to one 4th grader! So proud of him. I'm sure the summer will bring more adventures for us and we will keep everyone posted on our journey to Mia.

Questions....

It started this past Tuesday at dinner. I thought I would be ready and I am in a way, I just never know how much is too much. I just am honest and roll with it I guess. At dinner Jacob mentioned that a girl in his class had to have a surgery on her arm. Logan asked "What's surgery?" So I tell him that it is when there is something wrong on the inside of your body and the doctors have to cut you open to fix it. Jacob then asks "Won't Mia have to have a surgery to fix her heart?" I explain to both of them that she will have to get her heart fixed with a surgery, but that she will be all fixed when it is over. Logan then says, with wet eyes "But that will hurt her won't it? I feel bad for her, I don't want her to be hurt". So I tell him that it will hurt at first, but that it will not hurt forever and that she will be good as new. Both boys seemed satisfied at this point, for now... part one over.

Round 2 bedtime. Logan tells me that he is afraid that she will die, like his brother Killian. So I try to be as honest as I can and let him know that I can't promise she will be OK, but I'm pretty sure she'll be OK.
At this point it is both boys talking...

"How did Killian die"---- "He died of SIDS which means his brain told his body to stop breathing, but this only happens to little babies. You and Jacob are fine and since Mia is 3 this should not happen to her either. No one really know why it happens"

"What was he like" --- "He loved you both"

"How did you know" --- "He smiled at you both all the time. (to Logan) you liked to play with his feet, and (to Jacob) you loved to hold him and feed him a bottle"

Jacob says "I remember that" Logan says "I don't remember him at all"

I tell Logan that he wouldn't because he was only 18 months old.

Jacob says "I remember the police officers and ambulance people in the house and that you used to cry every day" So of course I start to cry again and tell him that I miss Killian all the time, but I have just learned to live with the sadness in my heart.

Then Jacob says "If you had me, Logan, and Killian would we still be adopting Mia?"
He is so intuitive it kills me. So I tell him my truthful thoughts, which are I don't know. Our family and our life is different now. If Killian was here, who knows what our life would be like. I tell them that I would give anything to have him back, but that it just wasn't meant to be. I tell them that we are so proud of them, that they are willing to share us with a little sister and love her with us.

I am so proud of my boys and thankful that they feel comfortable in asking me questions. It still always throws me off guard though.

Moving through paper...

We have been very busy here trying to get all of our paperwork completed so that we can go get our girl! I just wish that everyone else (like the gov't and state departments) would feel the same sense of urgency that we do! I looked up her chinese translation this morning and her name means "peaceful cloud". From her description in the paperwork from China, she is a peacemaker, so I think the name fits!

Around here we have been pretty busy. Spring (it actually feels more like summer) has arrived and so have the sounds of motocross around the house. The boys will have their first race in a few weeks and are very excited! They have been riding any day that they can on the track around the house.

During the month of March, I decided to paint the house! I painted the upstairs hall, living room, dining room, kitchen, and family room. It looks great and I just have to finish the downstairs hallway.... Matt thinks I am nesting and I probably have to agree with him! We took the boys to the driving range to try out their new clubs they got for Christmas. They had alot of fun! We also went bowling for big brothers/big sisters and we had a good time with Chris, Lori, and Nick!

Easter was fun. The boys got new motocross racing outfits, which they were excited about. They also went hunting around the house for their eggs, which they always enjoy. Then it was a relaxing afternoon at Matt's sisters house and a wonderful meal! This weekend is a surprise birthday party for Matt's mom and my parents come in for Nick's first communion. The month of April is turning out to be a busy one!

I'll keep posting as things move with the adoption!

Our girl's heart

We have been asked a lot of questions so I thought I would explain (copy and paste from a medical site) our baby girl's heart condition. We are not exactly sure what she has. The sonogram of her heart does not make complete sense, but we believe that she has a condition called Tetralogy of Fallot. We do not have a concrete diagnosis because the test used and results are poorly written. Our social worker explained that where she is located in China, the medical technology is poor, and they will not spend the money on a "orphan" to get further testing completed in a major city, such as Beijing. We will complete further tests at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh as soon as we get her home. So here is her condition...

Tetralogy of Fallot involves four heart defects:
A large ventricular septal defect (VSD)
Pulmonary (PULL-mon-ary) stenosis
Right ventricular hypertrophy (hi-PER-tro-fe)
An overriding aorta


Ventricular Septal Defect
The heart has a wall that separates the two chambers on its left side from the two chambers on its right side. This wall is called a septum. The septum prevents blood from mixing between the two sides of the heart. A VSD is a hole in the part of the septum that separates the ventricles, the lower chambers of the heart. The hole allows oxygen-rich blood from the left ventricle to mix with oxygen-poor blood from the right ventricle.

Pulmonary Stenosis
This defect is a narrowing of the pulmonary valve and the passage through which blood flows from the right ventricle to the pulmonary artery.
Normally, oxygen-poor blood from the right ventricle flows through the pulmonary valve, into the pulmonary artery, and out to the lungs to pick up oxygen. In pulmonary stenosis, the heart has to work harder than normal to pump blood, and not enough blood reaches the lungs.


Right Ventricular Hypertrophy
This defect occurs if the right ventricle thickens because the heart has to pump harder than it should to move blood through the narrowed pulmonary valve.

Overriding Aorta
This is a defect in the aorta, the main artery that carries oxygen-rich blood to the body. In a healthy heart, the aorta is attached to the left ventricle. This allows only oxygen-rich blood to flow to the body.
In tetralogy of Fallot, the aorta is between the left and right ventricles, directly over the VSD. As a result, oxygen-poor blood from the right ventricle flows directly into the aorta instead of into the pulmonary artery to the lungs.

Outlook
Together, these four defects mean that not enough blood is able to reach the lungs to get oxygen, and oxygen-poor blood flows out to the body. This needs open heart surgery to be repaired.

This is scary stuff for us, but with repair the outlook is good. She will never be a track star, but that's OK with us. We have been asked several times why we are adopting a little girl with a bum heart. (that's how I like to describe it) The answer is simple, we felt a connection with her, and she will die in China as a young adult if this is not repaired. As many of you know, Matt was adopted when he was 3 1/2 and he did not have a medical condition that threatened his life, but the environmental situations that he was involved in through the foster care system, he would have chosen a different, most likely more delinquent, path in life. Matt felt VERY strongly that we bring her into our family. I guess you can say he is "paying it forward" So no, she is not perfect, but who is? We feel that a lovely little girl who will enrich our lives as much as we will enrich hers, and we can't wait to bring her home!

Our Duaghter An Banyun.... Mia is here!!!

Ok So I know that everyone is dying to see her so I'll post her pictures first. Keep in mind that we have to put a smile on her face and that they shave all the babies heads to keep the lice away. Also she looks much bigger than she actually is because they have several layers of clothing on her. The do not keep the heat very high in the orphanages, so it is common for the children to wear 4-5 layers of clothing. She is actually only 22 pounds and 2 feet 8 inches tall, that means she will wear 12-18 month clothes. She is a quite a little peanut! We just think that she is precious and can't wait to get her home! (The middle photo is my favorite!)

So here is what we know about her. Banyun (mia) was found abandoned at the orphanage gate on September 25, 2007. They determined her birthday to be March 10, 2007 according to her growth and development. She was abandoned at approximately 6 months old. There was no note attached to her. We can only assume that her birth family could not care for her or was unable to provide her with the medical treatment that she needs. I'm sure it was a difficult decision for her birth parents to make.

Banyun (mia) likes to eat steamed eggs, milk, noodles, congee, and fruit. She likes rocking horses, tricycles, looking at books, being read to, and playing with dolls. When she plays outside she likes to slide and swing. She likes to play hide and seek and likes to be cuddled :) She plays peacefully with other children, does not grab their toys, and shares her cookies. She is a deep sleeper (woohoo!), she can imitate drawing Ines, she can place objects in and out of cups, she can stack blocks, she can turn pages of a book, she knows big and small and her colors. She speaks in sentences (in Mandarin Chinese though), and she knows her body parts.

Her personality is described as timid and shy (the boys will quickly change that I'm sure!) She enjoys music and toys. She likes to play peekaboo and hide and seek. She is talkative, has a ready smile (wish we could see it), and gets along well with others. She has a close bond with her caretaker.

Mia (Banyun) is in Children's Welfare Institute of Xi'an China.

Xi'an has cold and snowy winters and hot and humid summers. It is most famous for it's Terracotta Warriors that we carved during the first Qin Dynasty to deter invasion of the countryside. That will be really cool to see.

We are hoping to travel to China in May or June to get her. We will spend 2 weeks in China with her, so that will be an awesome adventure! It is difficult to determine what is exactly wrong with her heart. The ultrasound report does not really make sense, but it is apparent that it is one of 2 major defects. When we get her home we will have her heart examined and are prepared to have the surgery completed as soon as possible. I will be sending her a care package to the orphanage for her birthday.

We have sent a letter to China asking to adopt her and promising to love her as if she was one of our own. They have 2 weeks to agree to our adoption, they never disagree, it's just a formality. Next is updating all of our paperwork.... all over again! We will move as quickly as we can on this because the sooner the paperwork is done, the sooner we can go get her!!

Thanks for everyone's support and well wishes! We will keep everyone updates as this process moves along.